


The Kidnapping of Eren Jaeger: The Complete Saga

by chenziee



Series: The Kidnapping of Eren Jaeger [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (but only a little bit) - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Collars and leashes, Eren gets kidnapped on a regular basis, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Minor Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein, Overprotective Levi, Overprotective Mikasa, Parody, and Erwin is done with them all, he needs a vacation, revised older work, yandere Armin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-22 03:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13755387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: The 10 times Eren gets kidnapped, with varying degrees of severity to the crime and some repeated offenders. (Erwin didn't sign up for this.)First chapter now with illustrations by the amazingniniton!





	1. The First Kidnapping

**Author's Note:**

> I have finally reached a point where this story bothered me enough to make me decide to do what I really should have done years ago. To edit and compile it into a single story. (I still don't understand why I ever thought it was a good idea to post the parts separately; somebody shoot me please.) And after a very kind consultation over on ff.net, I have decided to keep the old version and post the new one as a new story.
> 
> Anyway, I hope the newer version is also the better version. I didn't change much, just fixed the awkward so it's hopefully easier to read, added/re-wrote a few sentences and such ^.^
> 
> Lastly, regarding this first kidnapping incident, capture-bonding is another name for Stockholm syndrome – a strong emotional attachment of a victim towards their kidnapper. I was just thinking that in a world like SnK they probably wouldn't call it _Stockholm_ syndrome, so I went with the other name :)
> 
>  **PSA:** The First Kidnapping is now with amazing, perfect, beautiful, precious illustrations done by [niniton](https://niniton.tumblr.com/)! Thank you so so much ;__; I’m still so happy and giddy over this! I can never tell you how grateful, honored and amazed I am! <3 <3 <3

Captain Levi was a light sleeper. Captain Levi didn’t appreciate being woken up by any panicky shitty brats running around.

“Eren! _Eren!_ Eren, where are you?“

Levi rolled his eyes when the shouting started getting louder as the brat in question was getting closer. He cursed voicelessly and got out of his bed to shut her the fuck up; she could panic and run around to her heart’s content as far as he was concerned, but for fuck’s sake let her do it silently at least.

He stalked over to the door of his private room (where no one – well, _almost_ no one – was allowed to enter and spread filth all over), throwing it open.

“EREN! PLEASE ASWER ME!”

He winced at the sudden loudness of her shouting. Just great. Now he’d just woken himself up even more. “Ackerman, _shut up_ ,” he barked, keeping his voice low. “It’s the fucking middle of the night.”

Mikasa immediately went quiet as she froze in her tracks, turning around to face her superior.

“I apologize, sir,” she stated flatly in her usual cold tone full of dislike for the man, “but Eren isn’t in his room. I was looking for him as I was afraid he may have gotten kidnapped.”

Levi raised an eyebrow at her. “And why the hell were you looking for him at this hour?” He shook his head, deciding it was way too early for this. “Whatever. By all means, look for him all you want but please _do_ try not to wake the whole goddamned building. I’m pretty sure he’ll show up by himself in the morning, so let’s wait with alerting everyone until he _doesn’t_ show up. Now shut up and go do whatever.” He shooed her away as he finished his passive-aggressive dismissal.

Mikasa wasn’t amused by his careless attitude but knew better than to argue with a superior when she had no proof he wasn’t right. But it did make the level of her hate for Levi go up considerably.

“Yes sir.” She shot him a look full of venom before swiftly stalking away, not even bothering to salute.

Levi wasn’t intimidated in the least by her glare, nor was he especially bothered by her lack of respect. He only closed the door again, satisfied now that she was gone.

Levi walked quietly to his bed and climbed back in. His face was as composed as ever when something stirred next to him under the blanket, followed by a sleepy question. “Wha’ wazzat? Did somethin’ ‘appen?”

“No, nothing,” he answered in a whisper to the still mostly asleep boy. “It just seems like this one little brat got kidnapped. And apparently has a very bad case of capture-bonding,” he added when Eren snuggled close to the older man who was his direct superior, wrapping himself around him like a tentacle monster – just as he was before Levi extracted himself to go turn down the volume outside.

“Hm, thass nice...” Eren mumbled in response, making Levi huff out a quiet chuckle.

“You didn’t register a word I said, did you?” Levi asked with a smile, looking down at the mop of hair on his shoulder.

“Mm... Sanks, I love you, too.”

Levi suppressed a laugh as he simultaneously tried to ignore the wave of warmth erupting from his chest at the honest declaration.

He was finally almost asleep again when he heard hurried footsteps run past his door and Levi smirked to himself.

‘That’s for waking me up. And for trying to sneak into the wrong room in the middle of the night. Have fun, Ackerman.’

* * *

When time for breakfast came, Mikasa, visibly tired with dark circles under her eyes, came face to face with a practically sparkling Eren, who, in a startling contrast to his sister, got to sleep in a comfortable for once. Moreover, with his beloved Captain next to him.

Not to mention all that happened _before_ they actually went to sleep on the soft, warm, comfortable bed.

The difference was all too obvious and if she wasn’t so relieved Eren was alright, Mikasa would be furious.

“Eren! Where _were_ you tonight? I was looking for you everywhere,” she fired at him as soon as she caught sight of her brother – who walked in right after the bastard of a Captain.

Eren blushed madly in response, keeping his mouth shut. Mikasa was the absolutely _last_ person he wanted to know. (Maybe except Hanji who would be even scarier in her own way, for a whole different reason.) Little did he know that everyone else including Hanji already knew and Mikasa would figure it out very soon as well. (Or more accurately, be taken pity on and told; a process that would be accompanied by much screaming and death threats. It would also take the whole of the ex-104th Trainees Squad to prevent the subsequent blood-bath which would surely end in the Corps losing one or two of the best soldiers they had.)

Mikasa’s eyes narrowed dangerously at Eren’s lack of response. The boy cowered under her dangerous glare and unconsciously moved a tiny bit closer to Levi. Luckily for them both, Mikasa didn’t seem to catch the meaning behind the subtle movement but Levi sure did.

‘Capture-bonding,’ he thought, hiding an amused smirk, before he decided to save Eren from her wrath. “See, Ackerman?” he noted, sounding as indifferent as ever. “I told you the brat would show up on his own. You should really try to control that crazy brother-complex of yours.”

Mikasa glared at him, with Levi gazing back at her blankly. The staring contest was soon cut short, however, as realization flashed in Mikasa’s eyes. “You bastard, you knew where he was all along.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not.” He shrugged, unaffected. “I have absolutely no obligation to answer you. And don’t go calling your superiors bastards. Someone might not like it and it won’t end up pretty for you one day.” Levi paused to take in Mikasa’s appearance before he cringed in disgust, gesturing vaguely at her. “I do expect you to do something about that before you contaminate the food.”

The cleanliness loving Captain was highly unamused by the fact she dared to enter the building (let alone the _mess hall_ ) while covered in mud like that, spreading dust and dirt and god-knows-what-else everywhere.

‘Did I go too far? Oh well.’ A hint of a sadistic smile spread across his features when he realized she must have looked for Eren even outside.

“Shut up, you creepy clean-freak. It’s your own fault anyway. _Where_ _was he?_ ” she growled at him, furious.

Crossing his arms on his chest, Levi retorted, “Not that it’s any of your business but he was fulfilling an order. Confidential one. And I told you to fucking respect your superiors, Ackerman.”

“Well, when you can tell me that _now_ , you could have very well told me _last night_. _Sir_.”

Meanwhile, Eren was confused. Very confused. Looking between the two of them, he wondered quietly to himself, “Did I miss something?”


	2. The Second Kidnapping

Captain Levi came to the mess hall for breakfast, as usual. He scanned the room quickly for the one head of messy brown hair, as usual. He didn’t find it immediately, as not-so-usual.

‘Where the hell is the brat?’ he thought irritably when he sat down with his food, scanning the room with his eyes again for good measure, before he started eating. With each bite, Levi got more and more nervous. It was suspicious. The brat had _never_ missed any meals up until now. (If we didn’t count those that were directly after a particularly bad day outside the walls, in which case nobody _didn’t_ miss a meal or two. Let’s face it. You just can’t stomach food with fresh images of severed limbs, heads, intestines, and blood in your head.)

Everyone else but Hanji, who’d told him yesterday she’d leave early to experiment on her new ‘beautiful titan children’ in the morning, was present. Did the brat just oversleep? Or did something happen?

He finished his breakfast, distracted to the point he even forgot to bully everyone around into cleaning after themselves until everything was spotless according to _his_ standards, before he left hurriedly to check on his brat.

If he weren’t in such a hurry, he might have noticed the pair of eyes full of calm, quiet satisfaction that were following him out of the room.

* * *

By the time for morning training, Levi was thoroughly stressed. Eren wasn’t in his room but it looked like he did get up by himself alright as there were no signs of any fight or struggle.

And he wasn’t anywhere else either.

Levi hated to admit he was worried. Should he start a search? It didn’t look like anyone else had noticed so maybe he was just overreacting. It was a big place. It would start being a real problem if he didn’t show up for training.

Arriving at the training grounds, late as he was busy _very casually_ searching the castle until then, Levi felt like ripping his hair out when he noticed the shitty brat really wasn’t there. He was _maybe_ also starting to panic a little bit.

“Oi!” he shouted, so that everyone could hear him. “Does anyone know where the hell is Jaeger?”

Silence.

Silence was never good.

“Shit.”

Did Eren _seriously_ get kidnapped? But without putting up a fight and destroying everything in sight in the process, when (very) destructive, (very) loud battles are the one thing he has immense talent for?

And _this_ happens just days after he pulled that joke on Mikasa? How ironic.

‘Wait a minute there.’ Levi stopped in his tracks, his eyes darting back to the crowd of people who had already begun their warm-up while sneaking curious glances at their Captain every few seconds, watching him pace nervously.

Luckily, even in a state of near-panic, Levi still could keep his head kind of cool (he didn’t survive all these years of nearly suicidal acts purely on luck) and it downed on him at last that he really shouldn’t be the only one in this state right now. There was one more person who would, without fail, immediately know when Eren wasn’t within 100 meters radius. Definitely, with 113% accuracy.

“Ackerman,” he growled, stalking over to stand in front of her as she stretched.

“Yes sir?” Mikasa answered, her expression calm and cool.

“You know where Eren is.” It wasn’t a question. Levi was dead sure.

However, Mikasa only shook her head, tugging at her scarf. “No, sir. I’m sorry but I really don’t know where he is.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed dangerously as he hissed, “Don’t lie to me, Ackerman.”

“I’m not lying, Captain,” Mikasa defended herself quietly. “Why would you think so?”

“Because you’re not running around in a circle screaming your fucking head off.”

“Well, I think he’ll show up by himself by lunch, sir. But could it be he’s been kidnapped?!” Mikasa exclaimed in a mock panic tone. The mocking tilt was barely there but Levi just _knew._ They were through one too many verbal _and_ physical battles to be able to read the other rather well. Not to mention she threw his own words from the week before at him to stress her point.

Levi took a deep breath to calm down, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “Ackerman, you know what happens when it turns out you _were_ lying?”

“Of course, sir, but I’m not lying.” Her voice was firm and confident. And definitely amused.

Levi was pissed. She knew something and he’d get her for it. But at least now he knew Eren was not in danger. Hopefully.

* * *

Meanwhile, Eren’s vision was slowly turning blurry, his body losing all feeling.

He needed to focus. If he lost control now, everything would be over. He’d be finished.

Piercing pain shot through him as something long and sharp went right through his right hand which was almost too firmly connected to the titan body. He wanted to scream. He couldn’t find the strength to do so.

He couldn’t concentrate. Just staying conscious was getting harder and harder by the second as he felt the titan slowly overpowering him, pushing his sense of self back.

Forcing himself to calm down, taking deep breaths, he focused on a single thought. He _could_ get out of this. He could get out _alive_. He had to.

Lunch came and Levi was practically a bomb only waiting to blow up.

Lunch came and Mikasa was ready to start laughing sadistically at the mere sight of the man who looked like he was _awfully_ close a mental breakdown.

* * *

Lunch came and everybody could feel the tension that descended on the Survey Corps headquarters.

And then came the cue for the decisive battle between the two mighty warriors to begin.

The door was thrown open and everything stopped moving.

The whole mess hall watched in anticipation when between the two wings of the unnecessarily giant door appeared Squad Leader Hanji, grinning in delight like the mad(wo)man she was. “Levi~! Just you all wait ‘till I tell you what an incredible progress we’ve made today! You’re gonna be blown off your feet! Haa, I should- no, I _have_ to experiment on Eren more often!” she squealed, uncaring of both the murderous glare Levi was giving her and the atmosphere in the room as she practically oozed energy and enthusiasm.

In contrast, Eren, who dragged himself in behind her, looked like a zombie that had been through a good number of deaths in his undead life. He definitely felt quite ready to pass out the first chance he’d get.

“Eren!” came a shout from two different people at once, before two pairs of arms caught him just before he gave in to the temptation to actually collapse.

He smiled gratefully at the two he couldn’t even identify, oblivious to the lethal glares exchanged literally right under his nose. Eren was just glad to have something to put his weight on and he didn’t really care on what or whom or under what circumstances that was happening. The only thing that interested him right then and there was its existence.

Levi momentarily interrupted his silent deathmatch with Mikasa to glare at the happily glowing Hanji instead.

“What the fuck is the meaning of this Hanji?” he said in a deceivingly calm tone.

Hanji cocked her head a little, still smiling; she had always been immune to his intimidation attempts. A fact that pissed Levi off to no end. “What do you mean? Eren is just a _tiny_ bit tired. Don’t worry; I checked on him and he’s fine. He’ll be as good as new in time for his private evening training.” She winked at him with a teasing gleam in her eyes, which only served to irritate Levi further.

He rolled his eyes. “I mean, _why_ _haven’t I heard about this_? You should have fucking _told_ me yesterday. _I’m_ the one in charge of him _and_ the one in charge here until Erwin and Mike come back,” Levi growled through gritted teeth. He was on the verge of ripping her crazy head off and ritually offering the remains to her pet titans.

Hanji shrugged and answered in a carefree voice, “Well, I didn’t want other people to know – for the sake of the safety of everyone involved and for the sake of the experiment, you see; I even told Eren only when I woke him up this morning. Like a surprise attack. Actually, I wanted to tell you after that but I also didn’t want to disturb your beauty-sleep so when I met Mikasa on her way to Eren’s room,” she grinned mischievously as she noticed Levi’s eyes narrowing, “I asked her to tell you later. It’s not like she’d ever put Eren in danger. She didn’t tell you?” Hanji sent a half questioning, half knowing look Mikasa’s way, while Levi sent the same way a look saying that if he weren’t holding Eren up, he’d beat her senseless before ritually offering her _alive_ to the titans. For several reasons.

Mikasa returned them both an expressionless stare.

She locked eyes with enraged Levi shamelessly as she gave Hanji an answer that left everyone present gasping for air while Hanji had to muffle her laughter. “I wanted to but I never got the chance to do so. Captain left during breakfast before I could talk to him, then he was nowhere to be found. During training he asked me questions I was unable to answer and didn’t let me explain. After that I found it too dangerous to approach him.”

Levi was speechless. He stared at her for a long minute during which nobody dared to even breathe, before he spoke up slowly, his voice full of ice, “I fucking asked you where he was. How’s _that_ a question you were unable to answer?” Everyone present shivered when he finished. Or, everyone except Eren, who was still out, barely hanging onto the edge of consciousness, Hanji, who was naturally immune (and still laughing), and Mikasa, who was simply not intimidated by any potential threats to Eren’s wellbeing.

“But sir, you know the location of the experiment grounds is a top-secret information after the last subjects were killed. Obviously I didn’t know _where_ he was. Even now I still don’t know.” There was a faint hint of superiority in that statement. Mikasa knew she couldn’t lose this round.

And Levi knew that, too.

He wasn’t amused.

* * *

Some time later, Eren was lying on Levi’s bed, already almost fully recovered after some sleep. Nonetheless, Levi couldn’t help but still worry a bit, even though he hid that worry behind his once-again-perfect poker face.

“Are you feeling better now, brat?” he asked offhandedly, his tone not betraying how much he really cared about the answer.

“Yeah, a lot better. I was just exhausted by all those experiments Hanji had me do,” Eren answered in a steady but still tired voice as he shivered at the memory.

They were both silent for a while before Levi sighed, giving up any pretence, “Eren Jaeger, this is an order, do you understand?” he said in his authoritative Captain Voice.

“Yes sir?” Eren looked at him questioningly, awaiting his orders. He’d sit up to salute as well if Levi’s glare wasn’t pinning him to the bed at any sign of excessive movement.

Opening his mouth again, Levi stated clearly, “Next time you go somewhere, _you_ come tell me directly. I’m fucking _responsible_ for you. I need to know in case something happens. As your superior. Are we clear?”

Eren was a little surprised by the order but a moment later, a knowing grin split his face wide. ‘ _As your superior_ , huh?’

He chuckled quietly, happy Levi cared so much. Even if he was terrible at showing it. “Yes sir.”

* * *

The situation in the dining hall had calmed down considerably after a still noticeably pissed off Levi left to tend to the zombie Eren had become, practically dragging him along, and a somehow roughed up Mikasa left with a victorious, rare smirk on her face to start with her punishment consisting of extra super-hard-super-long training course and cleaning the whole castle from top to bottom strictly, absolutely alone.

Only a few people stayed behind, huddled together and quietly discussing something, all of them sporting very serious expressions.

“So…” Connie started saying into the silence, looking at the paper in his hands intently. “The score as of now is even, with 36 wins each and 2 draws,” he announced and several groans were heard in response.

“Whoa,” Sasha whistled between bites of the last leftover bread she had collected over the room earlier (after swiftly taking care of Eren’s portion of lunch). “This is getting to be really long and dramatic in-laws fight.”

“Yeah; don’t you think it’s getting kind of boring?” Jean muttered from where he was resting his chin in his hands, frowning a bit before continuing thoughtfully. “If they continue like this much longer, we’ll never get a winner. Maybe we should change it?”

Ymir, who had an arm casually thrown over Krista’s shoulders, raised an eyebrow at him. “Like how?”

“Like who will be the first one to get three wins in a row?” suggested Armin uncertainly.

There was a moment of silence before Hanji raised her hand full of excitement. “I’m betting on Levi!”

“You’re betting on the loser?” Jean scoffed but Hanji just shrugged.

“You can never know what that cute little thing might already be plotting. You just don’t know him well enough, yet. Moreover, betting on the one you expect to win is way less fun!” Her eyes sparkled with something none of them really bothered to analyse for the sake of their sanity.

A blur of voices trying to place their bets all at once followed. After today’s showdown, most of them bet on Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think? ^^;;


	3. The Third Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've only had 4 lectures so far this semester and I'm already exhausted. I don't want to know what it will be like in April/May... OTL  
>  ~~Also, fuck 8 AM lectures. Especialy those that last until 11. _Especially_ if you have to commute. Who cares about corporate law anyway?~~
> 
> In other news, I am incredibly pleased the document for this Kidnapping is exactly 4 pages long.

“Eren!” An urgent voice could be heard from right outside the door to Eren’s basement room, accompanied by a sharp, loud knock that effectively woke Eren up.

“What? What?” He sat up, startled, looking frantically around the empty room for the source of noise. Just then, the door flew open and Eren could only stare at Mikasa in confusion as she tried to catch her breath.

“Thank god you’re here. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to look for you,” she panted, striding over to him.

Eren frowned, unhappy with the abrupt wake up call. “And why did you feel the need to wake me up exactly?” Usually, when Mikasa came to his room at this hour, she’d just silently crawl into his bed and sleep the few hours until morning, without Eren realizing a thing until he’d wake up comfortably cuddled up with his sister.

“Because-“

“What the fuck are you doing here again, Ackerman?” A cold voice cut her off, making them both jump.

Mikasa’s gaze immediately hardened (while Eren’s lit up) upon realizing who the source of the unwelcome interruption was. She slowly turned around, positioning herself protectively between Eren and the newcomer.

“I could ask you the same question, _Captain_ ,” she spat out venomously, glaring daggers at Captain Levi.

Levi narrowed his eyes in turn. “I keep telling you I have no reason to explain myself to you. And I think the answer is kind of obvious anyway. Now answer me. If it’s stupid, I’ll double the punishment you’ve already got,” he paused, giving her displeased look. “And clean the top floor again. There are still spider webs everywhere.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes, clicking her tongue in annoyance, before muttering quietly, “You mean there are spider webs _again_.”

Eren watched in silence, having half a mind to just go back to sleep. He had learned from not-so-pleasant experience not to interfere with the fights, verbal or other, between his step-sister and his hero-turned-superior-turned-lover. But he knew he couldn’t fall asleep with them arguing in his room anyway so he just watched on as Mikasa took a deep breath.

“Yes sir,” she said in her normal voice, although still sounding a bit annoyed and like she was in a hurry to get this over with. “On my way here I met Squad leader Hanji, who mentioned to me that she wanted to go wake up Eren soon to take him for more experiments. I thought it was too soon as Eren has yet to fully recover from the experiments two days ago. It would be too much strain on him. But because she’s a superior, I didn’t want to argue with her and I decided to instead act and hide Eren until tomorrow to at least postpone it a day.”

‘She doesn’t want to argue with Hanji who wouldn’t even mind in the least,’  Eren wondered, shaking his head in disbelief. ‘But she argues with Levi _all the time_ , when he might kill her for it one day. Where’s the logic...?’

“Hey, I’m perfectly fine already, I don’t-” Eren tried instead of voicing is inner musings. His efforts, however, fell on deaf ears.

“You do have a point. I’ll talk to Hanji,” Levi answered to Mikasa’s explanation after a second of contemplation. “And _you_ ,” he barked, pointing at Eren with dangerously narrowed eyes, completely ignoring the boy’s previous words, “will _stay here_.” At that he turned around and left promptly, leaving Mikasa and Eren to stare after him in shock.

A minute passed, then two, then ten. After twenty, just when Mikasa thought ‘to hell with it’ and proceeded to try and drag Eren away, Levi returned with an unreadable look in his eyes. He glared at his charge, addressing him immediately, “Eren, get up. We’re leaving.”

“Huh? Why?” Eren asked, confusion clear in his voice.

Levi sighed, exasperated. “Hanji said she _has_ _to_ do all those experiments as soon as possible and that she doesn’t care if it kills you, gets her suspended, or both, as long as she gets it done. Looked like she meant it.”

Mikasa clicked her tongue. “Useless,” she murmured after, loud enough for them all to hear. Levi scowled but didn’t say anything back, probably begrudgingly agreeing with her to an extent. Not that he’d ever admit it.

Mikasa grabbed Eren’s arm then and made him get up without a word.

“Wait, Mikasa, what are you doing?” Eren protested, not liking this treatment in the least.

“I’m taking you to safety whether you like it or not. By force if I must.” Her voice was low and quiet. Eren contemplated fighting back but the look she sent him told him that might maybe be a little unwise.

“No, you aren’t. I’ll take care of it,” Levi growled, blocking the door.

“I don’t think so, Captain,” countered Mikasa. “You tried and failed miserably already. And I don’t trust you with Eren, sir. No offense.”

Eren thought that was definitely offense. Levi apparently thought so, too.

“I failed, while you didn’t even try. You chickened out,” he growled irritably. “And I wasn’t trying to be fucking nice. _I’ll take care of it_ ,” he finished, putting emphasis on each word.

Mikasa glared back at him before she reluctantly gave in. Two were better than one against Hanji, right?

Meanwhile, Eren was getting more and more annoyed with each passing second. Didn’t he get a say in things that concerned him and really, _only_ him?

But he still held back. Mainly because of his instinct of self-preservation. Both of them seemed willing to beat him up and kidnap him if necessary, and (to Eren’s displeasure) they were both more than capable of executing that option _alone_. Eren shivered at the thought of them ganging up on him.

* * *

“Why the hell are you following us, Ackerman?” Levi hissed minutes later, as he led Eren by the hand somewhere far enough from the distant scream of “Where did you hide my Eren, you evil midget?!”

“Because I’m _not_ leaving him alone with _you_ ,” Mikasa hissed back, glaring at their intertwined hands all the while.

Eren’s adopted attitude of breathe-deeply-and-deal-with-it was crumbling rather quickly by then. He loved them both to death and he loved spending time with either one of them. But with the both of them at the same time? That was a different matter entirely.

Right at this point, they were _so_ pissing him off with the constant bickering. He was starting to think that he would be better off with Hanji. He didn’t really mind the whole experiment thing from the beginning anyway.

 “I assure you he will not come to harm with me. Leave,” Levi barked quietly over his shoulder.

Mikasa shook her head, replying in a completely level tone, “I refuse, sir.”

Levi stopped to turn around and glare. “You’re refusing a direct order?”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Eren couldn’t take it anymore. “Do you seriously, _seriously_ need to fight every damn time you see each other? Can’t you just, I don’t know, _give it a rest already_?” he snapped at them, trying his best not to shout. It was still the middle of the night after all. He felt like ripping his hair out when they both looked at him as if he had lost his mind, but he only huffed in annoyance before continuing, “I don’t really mind going with Hanji anyway. If it helps us kill the titans faster, I’d be happy to do it, actually. So you can just let it be and let Hanji do what she has to.”

”No way.”

“Eren, you don’t realize what you’d be in for. The crazy maniac could kill you without even noticing if she gets too excited.”

“Yes, Eren. I know you’re enthusiastic about the idea of revenge but at least wait until you’re in a normal condition before taking on something as dangerous as she is.”

“ _And_ you’re straining yourself too hard, shitty brat. What would we do if you collapsed from exhaustion? Again? You don’t care a bit for your own safety and well-being so _somebody_ has to do it for you.”

Eren glared at them both, now seriously pissed off. “What the hell! I’m not some stupid little kid so stop treating me like one! The both of you! You’re way too overprotective and I can’t stand it!”

“But you _are_ a kid. You’re only 15.”

“I turned 16 quite a while ago!”

“The fact you’re so defensive about it just makes for further proof you indeed are still just a brat.”

“Really Eren, you’re even more of a kid than I thought.”

“You shut up! You’re only two months older than me!”

“This is about maturity, not age.”

“Are you saying I’m immature?!”

He only recieved two identical blank stares in response.

Okay, _now_ Eren was pissed off. He visibly puffed up, ripped his hand away from Levi’s grip and turned around to stomp away and straight to Hanji, determined to let them both feel the pain of his fury.

However, two hands grabbed each of his arms firmly, another one covered his mouth, and the poor struggling boy was dragged forcefully in exactly the opposite direction to the one he so desired.

Eren bitterly thought about how ironic it was that the only things the two of them ever agreed on were not agreeing, (over)protecting Eren (although in Levi’s case it was more along the lines of over-possessiveness – ‘No one dares to bully Eren in any way but _me_!’), and making fun of Eren. All of which Eren hated them for.

* * *

“Erwin! Start a search immediately!”

Erwin looked up from whatever he was working on until these early morning hours to blink at the flushed face of one Hanji Zoe. “Search for what and why?” he asked calmly, not showing just how confused he really was.

Hanji’s expression screwed up into a pained, frustrated grimace. “Eren’s been kidnapped!” she cried, slamming her hands on Erwin’s desk loudly.

“ _What_?” Erwin stood up immediately, firing a rapid stream of questions at her. “When? By whom? How?”

“About 10 minutes ago, by Levi and possibly Mikasa Ackerman.” Hanji went to explain quickly, sounding desperate to make Erwin move already. “I told Mikasa I wanted to experiment on Eren again today but a while later it was Levi who came to talk me out of it. When I refused, he ran off! They’re in it together, I’m telling you; I’m almost positive!” He eyes were wide with slightly manic gleam from the frustration of having her precious specimen stolen from right under her nose.

Erwin gaped at her for a while, just processing the information. When he finally managed to warp his mind around it, he slowly sat back down in his chair with a heavy, incredibly tired sigh and trying to resist the urge to face-palm.

‘Humanity’s fate rests on the shoulders of a lovesick idiot, a brother-complex idiot, a genius-to-the-point-of-idiocy titan maniac, and the one who keeps getting jerked around by the three of them. And _I’m_ supposed to command them. What did I ever _do_ to anyone?’


	4. The Fourth Kidnapping

“Eren, don’t get me wrong now, I do appreciate the visit but... why?”

Eren looked up from the book he was reading while lounging on Armin’s bed.  “Can’t I come visit my best friend?”

He didn’t sound very convincing and Armin gave him a look. “You can. But aren’t you preoccupied at this time, usually?” It was free time after lunch. It was an open secret Eren always spent this time in Captain Levi’s office. God knows what he found so fascinating about the Captain doing paperwork and reading Commander Erwin’s orders.

As much as Armin liked to have his best friend’s company for once, the blond couldn’t understand it. Unless-

Eren interrupted his internal monologue, confirming the unfinished thought as he huffed, turning the page more aggressively than strictly necessary. “They pissed me off so I kidnapped myself, okay? Don’t ask. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Armin blinked once, then twice. “You... kidnapped yourself?” he asked, giving his best friend the what-the-hell-does-that-even-mean look he could muster. “They?”

“Levi and Mikasa. And yes, I certainly did,” Eren stated resolutely, scowling. “I said don’t ask.”

Armin made a face, displeased but complied. “Okay, okay, I won’t. But if you want to complain, I’m here, okay?”

“Sure, sure.” Eren waved him off dismissively. Looking at that eager face, he’d decided he’d even rather go to Jean than Armin in case the need to rant about his relationships ever overcame him. He’d learned it was always better to vent to people that didn’t care and didn’t really listen than to those who are more than happy to learn about every little detail. And Armin did want to know every little detail. Always.

The comfortable silence that was only filled with curious glances thrown in Eren’s general direction was soon interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

“Come in,” Armin answered automatically, for which Eren shot him a panicked look before he proceeded to gracelessly fall of the bed as a result of his desperate attempt to hide quickly.

A second later, the door opened, revealing a tired looking Commander Erwin. “Armin, do you know where... Never mind,” he finished with a sigh as eyes dropped to the floor where Eren was sprawled awkwardly. “Eren Jaeger, do you know there are currently two people trying to kill each other just because they can’t find you, one floor above us?”

Eren pulled himself up to face him properly, looking the Commander in the eyes without shame. “I’m aware, sir.”

Erwin rubbed at his temples, sounding positively done when he spoke next. “And are you aware that there is a titan obsessed maniac running in circles around the two, demanding they tell her where they hid you this time?”

Eren looked genuinely surprised when he answered, “No, sir. But you can tell Squad leader Hanji I will be ready to leave when she is. Just...” He looked away briefly before he looked back up with determination shining in his eyes as he begged, “Please don’t tell Captain Levi or Mikasa where I am. Please?”

Erwin sighed deeply. He would honestly be kind of amused by the whole situation between the four of them if he wasn’t also so very tired of dealing with it. He’d probably be more appreciating of the ridiculousness if he wasn’t the one responsible for them all. “Eren, I can’t say I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I don’t even really want to know what exactly happened yesterday-” He paused at the panicked look he received.

“How...?” Eren squeaked, making Erwin blink at the sound.

Erwin went to explain, feeling a sick sense of satisfaction when he noticed Eren’s face turning a little pink and looking very much ashamed. “Well, I was the one who had to deal with Hanji. And I _am_ slightly interested in what the door did to end up in that condition. I don’t know any details but I also don’t think you were the one to do it, so you don’t need to look so scared,” Erwin added with a hint of amusement in his voice when Eren’s eyes widened comically. The young soldier was so expressive, his every emotion showing on his face. Erwin actually found it quite amazing.

“Oh. Okay, then.” Eren sounded like he was not really convinced but still felt relieved.

Erwin continued where he left off, “Anyway, please, do try to keep the mess under control. I will calm Hanji down for now and I will try to keep the family violence to a minimum, but you will have to work _very_ hard with Hanji to make up for all the trouble.”

Eren frowned at the family violence part but when he realized Erwin was actually going to comply with his request, his expression lit up considerably. He offered the Commander a dazzling smile and for a second there, Erwin could understand why Levi was so smitten with the titan-shifter. “Thank you, Commander. I will,” Eren said with determination, saluting with enthusiasm.

After giving Eren one last look, Erwin nodded at both boys, turned around, and left. Eren was relieved and grateful the Commander was so understanding, feeling a weight he didn’t realize he was carrying lift off his shoulders. When he closed the door behind the Commander, he promptly slumped against it in exhaustion, heaving a deep sigh, rubbing at the back of his neck to let go of the tension.

However, in doing so, he made the collar of his shirt shift a little and the ever observant Armin couldn’t help but notice. “Eren... Is that a _hickey_?”

Eren shot him a venomous glare, his hand dropping down to cover the cursed spot as he stubbornly replied, “No.”

But Armin couldn’t be shaken off so easily. “Eren... Is that a _still not healed_ hickey?”

Eren glared at him harder. “I’m telling you it’s not. Stop asking, Armin.”

“But Eren! Is that what this is all about? Why you’re angry at the Captain? What happened to what door? No wait, first tell me just _how_ did he make that last until now?” Armin was a little out of breath when he finished, his eyes gleaming in anticipation and Eren knew he couldn’t escape him now. Not with that look.

But then Eren paused as a disturbing realization came to his mind. “Wait, wait... First Mikasa, then Commander Erwin, now you! Does _everyone_ know about our relationship?!” he exclaimed, positively horrified.

“Well, yes,” he confirmed finally after a second of only frowning at Eren. “Mikasa was the last one to realize as far as I know. You mean you were actually hiding it? It sure never looked like it with the way you’re acting around each other. And the Captain definitely knows that everybody knows.” He spoke slowly as he explained, cocking his head to the side at the end as he considered his best friend.

Eren groaned, not knowing what to say.

Armin decided to solve his dilemma by demanding answers. “So what exactly happened yesterday?”

Eren sighed in despair. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. And more importantly, _I_ don’t want to remember.”

Too bad that thanks to his so-called best friend, his mind involuntarily wandered back to the events of about 17 hours earlier.

* * *

_So you’re going to follow us no matter what?” Levi asked in not-really-so-malicious-anymore voice._

_If Eren wasn’t even more irritated than he was before and wasn’t busy furiously struggling against the tight grip they both had on each of his wrists, the tone would set off warning bells in his mind._

_“Yes,” Mikasa replied easily, not noticing anything suspicious._

_Levi smirked unnoticeably when he shot her a quick look. “As you wish.”_

_Levi acted fast then. Suddenly, Eren was pulled inside a small, completely dark room, while Mikasa found herself alone, still in the same corridor, and locked out of said room. The step-siblings were both fuming while Levi was feeling rather smug. He had managed to get Eren away from the woman threatening Eren’s life_ and _from the woman threatening their private time. It was his complete victory._

_“What the hell are you doing now?” Eren hissed, unamused. He was already pissed off and Levi was not helping his case._

_“What do you think I’m doing?”_

_Eren hated that tone._

_He continued to protest for a while until Levi’s undying efforts on the sensitive spot on his neck finally paid off and Eren’s complaining changed into heavy breaths and quiet moans._

_Meanwhile, Mikasa was struggling with the door desperately, trying to open it, either herself by force or to make Levi open it by the use of various imaginative slow-and-painful-death threats that were barely heard - or noticed - on the other side._

_She snapped completely when suspicious sounds managed to seep through to her side of the door. She went absolutely still for a minute, only trembling slightly in silent rage. “How dare you...” she whispered in a shaky voice. “How dare you do those things to Eren while you know I’m right here. I tolerated the relationship for Eren’s sake. But_ this _...”_

_She looked up, fire in her eyes, as she declared war against the poor, innocent piece of wood._

_The short-lived battle that followed ended up with one door destroyed beyond any kind of repair, one satisfied Mikasa, one Levi who was half impressed (not that he’d admit it) half very angry at the interruption, and one impossibly embarrassed Eren swearing a sweet revenge on them both._

* * *

With the unwanted memory coming to a close, Eren started mumbling to himself, “I’ll make them suffer. The both of them. Levi for doing something like that and Mikasa for not just fucking _leaving_. No. This is not enough. I will get my rightful revenge.”

Armin, however, only sat there, quietly observing him and trying to make sense of the small pieces of information he was getting but only found himself feeling more and more curious about this incident. He’d never seen Eren like this when not talking about titans. The two of them had to cause him some severe mental trauma or something.

He just needed to find out what exactly it was they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've read this over like 8 times since the first edit, trying to make it flow better, but I still don't like some parts. But at this point, I'm not sure if it's because it really is as awkward as I think, because I've been staring at it for too long, or because my brain is fried...


	5. The Fifth Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I slept half-way through yesterday so I'm almost back from the dead. Yay?

A certain door in the Survey Corps‘ headquarters slowly opened. A shadow cautiously crept through into the wide, open space of the room, and towards the large door a bit away that lead out and into the corridor. The shadow only needed to get through those to mark it’s mission successful.

With a hand extended to the door handle, the shadow was forced to came to a sudden stop when the sound of voices carried over from the corridor. “Where were you yesterday?” one of the voices questioned in a seemingly indifferent tone.

“What do you mean? You know I went experimenting with Hanji,” replied sharply the other.

The first one growled at that, getting irritated, “I mean before that and you know it.”

“I was in my room the whole time.”

“I looked for you and you weren’t there.”

“Maybe you came when I went to the bathroom and we missed each other?” The tone of this voice was too light, as if the person behind it was trying not to sound sarcastic.

“Yeah, right. Brat, were you avoiding me? Or are you covering for Ackerman who hid you somewhere again?”

“I’ve never had to cover for Mikasa for anything. She’s the one always covering for _me_. Besides, I wouldn’t cover for her since I’m angry at _her_ , too.”

The voices were coming closer fast and the shadow didn’t dare move, only momentarily closed its eyes and prayed they would just continue walking.

“Too? So that means you’re angry at me?”

“Yes, that’s right,” the younger sounding one barked, apparently done with pretending. “In fact, I was planning to avoid you for a good while longer, but it’s just my luck to run into- Don’t you dare glare at me like that, Levi; I’m the one who’s pissed off here!”

“Then tell me what the hell you are pissed off about, Eren.” An exasperated sigh and a click of a tongue accompanied the demand and then there was a moment of silence, making the shadow hold its breath. It could tell the people to whom the voices belonged were just outside the door, not moving. Why wouldn’t they just walk away?

In a half-panic mode, the shadow started coming up with an emergency plan. At least it was obvious which one of the arguing men would be the one possibly storming off and into the room the shadow was hiding in.

Finally, the other voice answered in a low, trembling-in-barely-contained-rage tone, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Yes, I am. And I demand you to explain right now.”

The second voice became louder and firmer right then, the owner obviously reaching a boiling point. “No. Until you come to realize that some people actually have some shame, we don’t have anything to talk about!”

The shadow jumped out of the way at the last second as the door suddenly opened and the furious form of one Eren Jaeger stormed into the mess hall, immediately slamming the door shut behind him (as much as that was possible with a door that size) in a probably meaningless effort to effectively end the argument with his lover.

Eren huffed angrily but then jumped with a surprised squeak when he noticed there was one other person in there. One other person who was standing right next to him no less, and who, at that very same moment, grabbed his arm and yanked him to the side. Before Eren managed to wrap his mind around what exactly was happening, he found himself on the kitchen floor, staring wide-eyed into two huge, brown orbs giving him a pitiful, begging look.

“Sasha, what the-“

The boy was forced to shut up when Sasha smacked a hand over his mouth and hissed out a sharp, frantic, “Shh!” just as the sound of a door opening and closing, followed by a few quick steps, carried over to them from the room they had just deserted. It seemed like the Captain already got over the shock of being so forcefully cut off by his subordinate-slash-lover and Sasha cursed quietly. She had hoped he wouldn’t come in so soon; then it would seem like Eren just passed right through the room and left on the other side – as was probably Eren’s intention in the first place. Now her Drag Eren Along So He Doesn’t Stare After Me Wondering What the Hell Just Happened and Exposes Me Emergency Plan was useless.

“Eren?” They could almost see the confused frown with which Levi was undoubtedly looking around the large room, trying to find the boy who had pretty much evaporated.

Until he’d notice the door leading to the kitchen and put two and two together. Then they’d both be screwed.

Mostly Sasha.

After a minute that seemed like hours, there was an awfully loud step. Then another, and one more. Sasha started trembling slightly.

As if in slow-motion he door opened wide, creaking impossibly loud in the suffocating silence that hung over the kitchen. Light was streaming in from the other room, creating an ominous halo around the form of the under-sized (yet scary enough even without the light play) Captain Levi standing in the door frame.

Sasha felt like the poor heroine from one of Connie’s terrible ghost stories.

“Well, well... _Braus in the kitchen._ Do I need to ask what is in that bag?” Levi said darkly when he took in the situation in front of him. There was Eren, lying on the floor with eyes opened wide, still trying to process what was going on. Looming over him was Sasha, one hand muffling any sound Eren might want to make, the other tightly clutching the bag hanging over her shoulder, which looked ready to burst from the sheer amount of things it was stuffed with. She was staring over her shoulder at her superior with tears of terror shining in her eyes.

The poor girl let out a whimper when Levi smirked sadistically at her. “I guess not, then. Put everything back where you found it and then you can join Ackerman on the second floor.” He paused for a brief moment to ponder over the weight of her crime as he eyed the overfilled bag, before stating his final, cruel judgement, at which Sasha paled and started weeping loudly. His words sounded like a death sentence to her; no dinner for the next three days and half-portions for the next week was just too much for her to take.

Levi looked coldly down at the girl, watching as she collapsed on the floor in uncontrollable sobs, and without moving a muscle he shot over his shoulder, “And _you_ stay right where you are. We’re not finished yet.”

Eren froze on the spot, half-way out the door as he was, cursing silently. There went the plan to leave unnoticed while Levi focused on Sasha and the proceed to ignore his existence until he apologized.

* * *

“So do you know where Eren is now?” Mikasa asked as soon as Sasha finished with her explanation of just why she was ordered to assist the other girl with her cleaning and (after being relentlessly pressed to do so) retelling word for word what she had heard of Eren and Levi’s conversation before her miserably failed attempt to kidnap Eren.

“Maybe still in the kitchen? I don’t know; Captain Levi forced me to leave as soon as I finished putting everything back. And I didn’t even get to eat anything!” Sasha sobbed as she continued to mumble to herself, “I’ll never understand how he manages to see everything at once. He can prevent me from taking a _single_ bite while keeping Eren from running away. And we both tried so hard, too! Just what is that guy? I hate him! I’m hungry! I’m gonna _die_ without dinner!”

Sasha stopped pitying herself at the sound of cloth hitting water. She blinked a few times before looking up at Mikasa with confusion as the other girl headed for the door with a determined look on her face, discarding all her cleaning equipment on the way.

“Mi-Mikasa! Where are you going?”

“I need to find out why Eren is angry at me and make use of the situation to make him even more angry at the midget for whatever reason I can find. If I’m lucky, they’ll break up,” she replied, the last bit said more to herself than to Sasha, hiding her hopeful smirk behind her scarf.

“I really don’t think they’re planning to break up anytime soon,” Sasha tried to reason slowly as she stared after Mikasa, who walked purposefully out of the room they were in, ignoring her comment. Sasha only shook her head, wondering what Mikasa was hoping to achieve. If she walked in on them, Eren would just end up being even angrier at _her_. And the Captain would... just...

Suddenly, Sasha’s head snapped up and she lounged forward clumsily, nearly tripping over her own feet in her hurry, running out and into the hallway to shout after Mikasa in new-found hope, “Hey, Mikasa! If you end up unable to eat, can I have your food instead?!”


	6. After the Fifth Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of the three extra "After the Crime" chapters. Shorter, but fluffier. Enjoy!

Mikasa arrived to the kitchen with a loud bang, only to find it empty.

The evidence that an angry Eren was present at some point was there, glaringly obvious – there were several broken plates, a large knife stuck into the table, and a spoon here and there on the floor – the person in question, however, wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“Where the hell are they...”

* * *

While Mikasa was stalking through the castle towards the Cursed Room, a.k.a. Captain Levi’s room, Eren was sprawled (mostly naked) on the bed in said Cursed Room. He watched (stared) as his lover emerged from the attached private bathroom, all cleaned up, after making full use of the luxury few people in the Survey Corps enjoyed. Although, in his case it had less to do with his high rank and more to do with the simple fact it was causing much less stress – to Levi and the people who had to clean the common showers both.

Levi mostly ignored Eren’s intent, appreciative gaze while he dressed in a clean set of casual clothes before walking over to his desk to start on the evil called work. Erwin had been hounding him about those reports for a week now so, unfortunately, he couldn’t really put it off much longer. (These were the times Levi regretted he was not a regular soldier. But then he’d remember his private bathroom and come to the conclusion the paperwork was not all that bad after all.)

However, before he could start actually doing what military Captains are _supposed_ to do, Eren spoked up. “So, we are like, okay now?” he asked casually, his eyes boring into the side of Levi’s head.

Levi paused for a moment at that before he turned around in his chair to face Eren. “I was under the impression that making up is what make-up sex is for. And shouldn’t _I_ be asking you that?” he added with a slight frown.

“I just wanted to make sure you understand and won’t do it again before I can say we’re okay,” Eren mumbled, looking away with a pout.

Levi sighed as he put away his papers and stood back up to go sit on the bed next to Eren. “I promise not to make out when there are people within earshot and to always lock the door. Okay?” The fact that the one time they made out with people close-by the door _was_ locked and it was Mikasa who ‘unlocked’ it was irrelevant to Eren, as Levi had learned from a knife being stabbed into the kitchen table uncomfortably close to his hand.

Eren was silent for a minute, but then nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Levi smiled in relief, leaning down to give Eren a light kiss. Or such was his plan but Eren clearly didn’t agree with the sentiment. The boy gently pressed forward, licking Levi’s lips to coax him to open his mouth while wrapping his hands around his neck and burying his fingers in his longer hair.

Levi wasn’t exactly complaining.

That is, until he felt Eren trying to pull him down on the bed with him. He caught himself at the last moment, pulling back from the boy who was stubbornly clinging to his neck. “No. You have your rules, I have mine. We’re not doing anything until you go and take a bath. And change the sheets.”

“But you already wiped me down before,” Eren whined with a cute pout on his lips.

Levi felt the corners of his mouth twitch at the sight, but he fought the smile back, only narrowing his eyes at his lover. “Wet towel doesn’t replace a bath, Eren. You’re still dirty. And so are the sheets.”

They stared at a other for a few moments until Eren gave in, his puppy eyes melting away in a second to be replaced by a small, unhappy frown accompanied by an exasperated sigh. “Fine, I’ll have the damn bath.”

Levi smirked, ruffling Eren’s hair. “Good boy.”

“Shut up,” Eren muttered in response as he struggled to climb out of the bed, giving Levi a last peck on the lips before shutting himself in the bathroom.

Not ten seconds later, there was a firm knock on the door to Levi’s room. The Captain clicked his tongue in annoyance, abandoning the task of stripping the bed off the dirty sheets in favour of going to see who the brave one standing outside was. (It took him a few seconds to realize the door wasn’t actually stuck, but locked. He grumbled quietly as he turned the key, cursing Eren and his paranoia.)

And so he came face to face with _her_. Mikasa Ackerman, the one he was competing over Eren with, complete with her scarf and the cold, hateful look reserved only for Levi. “Eren’s here, right? I need to talk to him.”

Levi leaned against the doorframe with an indifferent expression on his face. “Maybe he is, maybe not. Either way, I doubt he wants to talk to you now.”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him as she shot back, voice flat, “I was not asking for your opinion. Sir.”

“But that’s the only thing you’ll get,” Levi replied just as easily.

“Just let me-“

Before she could finish her demand, she was interrupted by a muffled voice shouting from somewhere inside the room. “Just go away, Mikasa! Stop meddling with my life! I’m big enough to take care of myself!”

Levi smirked victoriously while Mikasa hid behind her scarf, looking at her feet dejectedly. However, Eren wasn’t quite done yet.

“I don’t want to see you right now, I’m still pissed off! And with you I’m sure as hell not gonna resolve this with _any_ make-up sex!”

Two pairs of eyes opened wide and shot up in the direction the voice was coming from immediately, disbelief and shock (and in one case, disgust) painfully obvious in them.

Mikasa was left completely speechless, her face slowly filling with colour, though it was a question left unanswered whether that was from second-hand embarrassment or anger, while Levi groaned, seemingly in pain, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Please, somebody tell me he didn’t just say that shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Feedback not required but is highly appreciated ^.^~~


	7. The Sixth Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the result of a request I recieved when I was originally posting this series. (Review on fanfiction.net by a guest Not so human: "Can I make a request? Can Armin kidnap Eren? He could be really jealous of Levi and kidnap Eren because they don't spend enough time together. And he could even be really creepy about it.") So here, have a Yandere Armin. :D

It had been a month since The Big Fight between Captain Levi and Eren Jaeger and since then, everything’s been calm. (As in, sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and puppies and pink and red hearts all around – of course, only as long as you ignored the bloodshed in the background.) Their routine of Eren coming to the Captain’s office during the afternoons has been resumed, even intensified, Eren now being there every free moment he had. Even Mikasa had stopped confronting Levi as often.

(After a common agreement, the bet had been closed as a tie of 45 wins for both Levi and Mikasa and 5 draws, with Commander Erwin as the sole winner.)

Everyone was happy.

Or not.

Eren was just on his way to his usual relaxation spot (a.k.a. The Cursed Room, a.k.a. Captain Levi’s room) when he ran into Armin and a spark of joy appeared in his eyes. “Armin! It feels like we haven’t spoken to each other in ages.”

“Hey. It sure has been pretty long since we’ve last talked properly,” Armin nodded peering at Eren accusingly.

Eren looked down at his feet awkwardly, knowing full well that was mostly his fault. “Yeah, we’ve got to meet up sometime soon...”

Armin smiled wryly. “This is the third time we’ve had this conversation just this week, you know.”

Eren scratched at the back of his had sheepishly, giving a strained laugh. “Haha, is that so? Well, we have to. When do you have free time?”

“Right now, actually.”

“Ah...” Eren blushed, inadvertently glancing in the direction of the officers’ quarters.

Armin just sighed in unsurprised disappointment. “You’re on your way to see Captain Levi, aren’t you?”

“Yeah...” Eren mumbled in defeat. “But you know what, I think I can spare a little time. Let’s go.” He desperately wanted to erase that sad expression off of his best friend’s face, so he grabbed Armin’s arm and turned around to lead him back the way he came.

However, because of that he missed the wide victorious grin that appeared on Armin’s face for a split second, making an expression that would make Eren shudder if he was to actually witness it.

* * *

Half an hour later, the two boys were sitting together in Armin’s room, chatting and laughing happily, sharing stories of what the other had missed (for some _incomprehensible_ reason, Hanji, Connie, and Sasha were the central figures in most of them).

Nonetheless, everything has to come to an end and in this case, their nice atmosphere evaporated instantly when Eren spoke up after squirming for a while. “Armin, I’m sorry but I think I should go now before Levi starts looking for me...”

(It _had_ to be a coincidence that Eren started fidgeting just around the time Levi started wondering where the hell the brat was.)

Armin didn’t say anything back, not even when Eren got up with an apologetic look on his face and headed for the door. He didn’t say anything when Eren reached for the handle either. And he certainly didn’t say anything when Eren turned back around with confusion written all over his face upon realizing the door was locked.

“Armin, did you lock the door?” he asked carefully after a few seconds of tense silence.

The blond reached into his pants' pocket and took out something small and shiny. He looked at it for a few seconds, before showing the key to Eren, expressionless. “It would appear so.”

“Why?”

“Because I knew you would do this, Eren. I knew you would try to leave me. But I decided I can’t let you do that anymore.”

Eren gaped at his friend, absolutely not understanding a single word he was saying, yet starting to feel something akin to fear as he looked into Armin’s hard, blank eyes.

“Eren, you know, I don’t really care if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. But that doesn’t give you any right to abandon your only best friend.”

“Armin? Are you serious?” Eren tried, speaking slowly as if that would help him wrap his head around what was happening right now.

Armin flashed him a wide, bright smile. His eyes weren’t smiling though, staying just as cold as when Eren first got up to leave. “I am very serious, Eren.”

Honestly, Eren thought his best friend was being all too creepy right now. A thought flashed through his mind, remembering a meeting a few weeks back when a very similar smile appeared on Commander Erwin’s lips. He felt a similar discomfort looking at him as he was feeling now with Armin. ‘Are _all_ geniuses actually insane or something? Hanji at least doesn’t bother hiding it...’

The taller boy blinked a few times, not knowing what to say and trying to think of some way out of this situation. It was just too damn bad that it was usually _Armin_ who came up with plans to get him out of situations.

“Armin, look, I’m sorry I kind of neglected you lately. I swear I’ll keep a whole afternoon free for you next week, okay? But now just let me go, please?” he begged, trying his puppy eyes.

“No,” Armin refused immediately, not even phased by Eren’s big, green eyes. “I’m done waiting for people to remember I’m here. Now be a good Eren and sit down. Let’s continue talking, shall we?”

Eren wanted to be angry, he really did, but at the same time, Armin’s words hit him hard. Did he honestly feel that way? Was Eren actually a really bad friend? But even if he was, that didn’t give Armin right to _kidnap_ him, did it?

The shifter didn’t know what to do. He needed to get to Levi before he decided to turn the whole castle upside down. But how did he get away from Armin? He certainly could defeat him in a fight if it came down to it but physically fighting him was one of the last things Eren wanted. But then again, so was making Levi worry and pissing him off in the process.

So what now? Just break the door down? But he wasn’t Mikasa; he couldn’t do stuff like breaking a door in half without using his titan power. And using _that_ inside the headquarters was _definitely_ one of the last things to do, just because it would mean both (probably) hurting Armin _and_ (most certainly) pissing Levi off. Not to mention the reactions it would cause with everyone else.

He thought appealing to Armin’s sense of self-preservation would be the step before trying to use any other extreme measures. “Armin, you know how Captain Levi would react if he knew about this, right? You don’t want that. _I_ don’t want that. So please-”

“Exactly, Eren,” Armin interrupted, smirking victoriously. “ _You don’t want that._ Why would he have to learn about it?”

Eren had no words to offer to that. He only stared at his best friend in disbelief. Considering Armin’s vaguely threatening words, Eren came to the conclusion that the calmest and least bloody option would most likely be to just stay put and satisfy Armin, and in the meantime try to come up with a passable excuse to give Levi – and hope for a miracle so that there is _no_ bloodshed at the end of the day.

And so, he reluctantly sat back down, all the wile wondering how and _why_ did he always end up these situations.

* * *

“Ackerman, do you know where Eren is?” Levi questioned sharply before he paused for a second as he thought back to their past dealings. “Or what he’s doing or with whom or anything?”

Mikasa looked up from the manoeuvre gear she was maintaining, frowning at him slightly. “The last time I saw him was an hour ago and he was just leaving to go to you. Captain, don’t tell me you’ve lost him again,” she growled the last part, narrowing her eyes at her superior.

“No, I didn’t _lose_ him. He never showed up.”

“I swear to god, since he started going out with you, he keeps getting into _more_ trouble,” Mikasa said with a defeated groan, tugging her scarf up to hide her unhappy, if worried, expression.

Levi sighed as he muttered to himself, “Maybe I should get him a bell or something.”

Mikasa shook her head with a completely serious look on her face. “No, that’s not good enough. A leash would probably be better.”

Levi looked at her in surprise. “You know, your way of thinking isn’t half-bad in the end.”

Mikasa bit her cheek to wrestle back the small smile that threatened to tug on her lips. She refused to smile because of this midget.

* * *

Eren only watched the obviously unstable blond carefully as he happily read some book, apparently enjoying the awkward company and the tense silence which settled over the room after Armin refused to unlock the door for the 16th time.

Tapping his fingers on his thigh nervously, Eren started to wonder if Levi had began looking for him yet. He probably had.

It was funny, actually. Only some two months ago he wouldn’t have thought his lover would even notice if he disappeared, but in the span of a few days he was proven so very wrong. Every time he remembered how Levi literally _ordered_ him (really, actually abused his authority to do so) to not go off without telling him, a silly smile forced its way onto his lips.

And now he went and disobeyed that order, getting himself kidnaped by his very own best friend as a result. Just great.

After what felt like hours of just idly sitting there to Eren, the sound of footsteps carried over to them from the hallway just outside Armin’s room. A few seconds later, there was a light knock on the door, followed by Mikasa’s questioning voice. “Armin? Is Eren with you?”

Eren perked up, looking at the door and then back to Armin in expectation but the blond just continued reading, completely ignoring his close-second-best friend behind his door.

When she got no response, Mikasa tried to open the door only to find it locked, a surprised noise forcing it’s way out of her mouth. “Why is the door locked? Armin!” she called louder, trying the door handle again. “I know you’re in there; I can hear you reading! Open the door, it’s important. You don’t want _me_ to open it, do you?” She accompanied her demand with a firm kick to the wood to emphasise her point.

Eren was sometimes very amazed by Mikasa’s instincts. She really was the superman(?) of the Jaeger _and_ the Survey corps households.  Her ‘Eren in Distress Antenna’ was one thing but “I can hear you reading?” Just what was she?

Armin sighed and finally got up to save yet another door from an untimely death, shooting a warning look at Eren before he turned the key in the lock. “What is it, Mikasa? What’s so important that you’d sacrifice more innocent pieces of wood?” he asked as soon as she came to view, not even sparing her a greeting.

“Eren disappeared again and the midget is freaking out. I thought that he might be here,” Mikasa explained easily, trying to peek into the room over Armin’s head.

“He’s not, sorry.” Armin replied quickly in a clipped tone.

Mikasa clicked her tongue, giving Armin a stern look. “Armin. You know you can’t lie to me. If he’s sulking about something again-”

“What the hell, Mikasa! I was not sulking; I was mad!” Eren shouted at her, his nerves snapping. He felt highly offended. One couldn’t even show they were angry around either Mikasa or Levi. The two of them just would just go and make fun of you for it for _weeks_. How was that _fair_?

Nonetheless, despite Armin’s previous silent warning, he also found this situation to be very favourable to him. He could just quietly leave with Mikasa now, apologize to Levi, and no one had to know Armin had experienced a... momentary blackout in the brain. Or something.

The blond looked at Eren over his shoulder with an unreadable expression on his face while Mikasa sighed in relief upon successfully locating her brother.

Ignoring Armin, Eren walked over to the door with every intention to leave, addressing Mikasa casually, “Whatever. If the Captain is looking for me, it’s best I leave now. Before he gets too angry at me.” He tried to not let anyone present know how eager he was to run to his boyfriend and away from his best friend right now. However, his easy, incident-free escape from confinement was cut short fast.

“Eren, where do you think you’re going?”

Two pairs of eyes snapped in Armin’s direction. Eren was shocked Armin would actually do this in front of Mikasa while Mikasa was shocked by the words that escaped the blonde’s lips as well as the tone. She’d never heard him use such a cold, demanding voice.

“Armin? Are you alright?” she questioned, taking a step closer.

“Yes, why? I’m perfectly fine.”

Mikasa still eyed him suspiciously, but trusting Armin enough, she nodded slowly. “Okay, then. Eren, you have to go before Captain Levi kills someone.”

Eren sighed as he moved one more step closer to freedom. “Really. He can sometimes be so...” he paused then, doing a double-take as he took in the words that escaped Mikasa’s mouth. “Wait, did you just call him Captain Levi? Are you sick?” he questioned, pressing a hand to her forehead for good measure.

“Am not.” The girl tugged at her scarf, shaking her head. “We’ve just come to realize we can agree on some things.”

Eren frowned. He didn’t really believe her but her temperature was normal... But then again, he had more pressing matters to take care of than her sudden, unexplainable show of respect towards Eren’s boyfriend. Like escaping this damn room. So he just shrugged it off and confidently strode forward and out into the hallway.

Right at that moment, Armin grabbed Eren’s shoulder with much more force than either of the siblings would have expected him to be capable of. “Eren, I said you’re not going anywhere. Are you really going to abandon your best friend of god knows how many years just for some... love-interest? Again?”

Eren was getting really fed up with Armin by the time he was finished speaking. As if he’d ever _abandon_ _him_. He loved Armin and he hated that he thought so little of Eren and his ability to keep a friendship alive alongside a romantic relationship. But he was still more concerned than angry. Because this wasn’t Armin. This wasn’t the cunning but kind and understanding, gentle boy. Just what had happened to him?

Next to him, Mikasa gazed at Armin with an unreadable expression on her face. Eren thought that at this point, she could either kill Armin on the spot or throw him into a bed, shove a thermometer into his mouth, and run to the kitchen to make some hot tea for her obviously seriously ill friend, fussing over him every step of the way. Eren honestly could not tell which one it would be.

But before anything else could happen, the sound of running footsteps and a telling screech made them all turn around to look curiously in the direction it was coming from, waiting a few seconds before a flushed Hanji emerged from around the corner.

When she saw them, she waved enthusiastically with her big, trademark grin plastered on her lips.

“Hey, Mikasa! And fancy seeing you here, Eren. Levi’s currently trashing the lab looking for you if you’re curious,” she winked at Eren who cursed quietly, shoving an elbow into Mikasa’s side when she snorted in amusement. Not paying attention to either of them anymore, Hanji turned to Armin, grabbing both his hands with hers. The boy only blinked at her in confusion before Hanji took a deep breath, rattling off at him rapidly, “Armin! I’m so glad I found you! I screwed up. I’m so sorry!” She didn’t look sorry with her wide grin and sparkling eyes. “When I gave you that thing for your headaches, I gave you the wrong bottle. Sorry, it was a similar shape. Here, this is the correct one...” She paused, digging through several of her pockets before successfully locating what she was looking for and pressing a small glass vial into a still stunned Armin’s hand. As soon as his hand closed around it, she continued at the same rapid speed, “ _But_ I’m not entirely sure what was in the one I gave you. It was experimental, so I’d like to ask you; how are you feeling?”

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were only slowly catching up with Hanji’s words but when they did, all three of them could only stare at the crazy woman, who was standing before them and grinning like Sasha when presented with meat while she explained that she accidentally gave someone... _something_ that could potentially kill them. Or something even worse.

So... how about a change of personality?

Eren sighed in relief. So Armin wasn’t some psycho in innocent disguise. No. He was still Armin. Still the cute, sweet, blond little angel of theirs. Everything was fine.

Stupid Hanji, Eren cursed inwardly. That almost gave Eren a heart attack or twenty in the past hour.

As Hanji proceeded to bombard Armin with questions about his well-being and emotions and whatnot, Eren exchanged looks with Mikasa before they both silently agreed the best course of action would be to quietly leave Armin to deal with it himself. He was one of the few people who could actually communicate with the mad scientist anyway.

As they were leaving the two behind, Eren heard Armin assuring the scientist he was feeling completely fine and there were no changes at all.

“Yeah, right,” Eren could only mumble to himself as he finally took a deep breath of freedom.

* * *

Only a few minutes after Eren successfully located Levi, he was already regretting his decision to even go look for him.

He was staring blankly at the little bell on a string that was sitting proudly on the table in front of him. He could almost hear the stupid thing laughing at him. According to Levi, he was supposed to tie this damn thing to his wrist and not take it off unless stated otherwise.

 “........What the hell is this?” he finally asked his lover, who was watching him expectantly, in a voice a few octaves higher than was his usual voice.

Levi raised an eyebrow at Eren's question, crossing his arms over his chest. “I believe this is what you’d call a bell. Don’t tell me you’ve never seen one.”

Eren glared at him, gritting his teeth. “I mean, why the hell do I have to wear a bell?”

“Because I have neither a leash nor a collar. Yet.”

“ _You what_?” Eren squeaked again, scandalized. Levi better have a good explanation if he didn’t want him going back to Armin.

“Why are you so surprised? You keep disappearing and it’s becoming a real pain in the ass. So I had to take some counter-measures.”

Eren wanted to snap back at him but couldn’t really argue since Levi did have a point. Let the incident from today be the proof. And so, Eren only settled for turning away with a disgruntled huff.

Levi clicked his tongue at the display. ‘Here comes the sulking again...’

Coming to the conclusion that if he wanted to get this over with quickly, he had to take some drastic measures, Levi leaned over the table and put a hand on Eren’s cheek, gently running his thumb under his (beautiful; so beautiful) eye. “Eren. Please,” he began with as much sincerity as he could muster. “I don’t want to worry about you like this ever again. I know you don’t like it when people worry about you, but I can’t help it. I love you. Please, wear it.”

Eren blushed when Levi’s words hit him. How could he stay mad at him when he said stuff like this? How could he deny him anything like that?

“Fine...” he mumbled in response eyes downcast in defeat and embarrassment.

Levi smirked secretly to himself. How easy could it be to get the brat do what he wanted?

Evil.

Yes, Levi was evil and he knew it.

But it got the results, didn’t it? The shitty brat was just too precious to him to risk anything happening to him.

(It wasn’t like he was lying either way. Though Levi would sooner burn his broom than admit to it.)

* * *

When they left  Hanji’s lab, where Eren had found Levi earlier and where the whole exchange took place, they ran into Mikasa right outside, leaning on the wall just opposite of the door, obviously waiting for them to emerge.

Her eyes ran over Eren’s form up and down and when she noticed the bell on Eren’s wrist, a satisfied smile appeared on her face momentarily, though half-covered by the red fabric of her scarf. She held eye contact with Levi for a second before giving him an approving nod, walking away immediately after.

Eren was confused at first but a few seconds later, he froze on the spot. A scowl slowly formed on his face as he looked down, glaring at the cursed bell still pretending to be all silent and innocent on his wrist. ‘So _this_ was what they realized they could agree on. _Fucking perfect_.’

* * *

At the same time, in a different place, Armin finally managed to get rid of Hanji who insisted on at least interrogating him if he refused to let her run tests on him. Drained by her endless energy and questions, Armin sighed tiredly, leaning against the door to his room, thinking back to the events of the afternoon.

“So I got drugged with something that made me try to imprison Eren, huh...” he mumbled quietly, looking into the empty space contemplatively.

But then, a small smirk crept slowly onto his face. Pulling his hand out of his pocket, he looked down to see two very similar vials, both sealed up and completely full.

“Or maybe not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking, and if you have an idea for a new kidnapping, tell me and maybe I'll write it. This doesn't necessarily need to just the same old 10 incidents :D ~~Especially since I have recieved a suggestion that is _entirely_ too funny to pass up.~~


	8. The Seventh Kidnapping

It was a peaceful day for the Survey corps. They’d returned from a short and thankfully mostly uneventful expedition just three days before so everyone was enjoying the free time they were granted. Eren, for one, was on his way outside to spend the afternoon with Armin as he’d learned that it was not very wise to neglect his best friend for too long. Been there, done that. Never again.

As he walked energetically, a soft, rhythmic chime echoed in the air around him. It was coming from under his shirt, where a little bell was hanging around his neck right next to the key that might or might not save humanity in the future. The noisy accessory was given to him by his lover and originally, Levi told him he was to wear it on his wrist so it could be heard better. It took Eren much, much effort to convince him to let him at least wear it around his neck. Eren hated that thing. Every time he heard the sound, it reminded him that he wasn’t trusted as an adult.

And yet, Eren loved that thing, too. It was from Levi and it showed he cared.

All in all, he had very mixed feelings about the whole issue. He hated being treated like an incompetent child but, at the same time, he knew he had it coming. Lately, there had been way too many incidents involving him getting dragged somewhere by someone and not emerging again for some time.

He sighed. It was just so... frustrating.

In that moment, a hand wrapped around his wrist and pulled him forcefully inside a room, slamming the door shut behind him.

The only trace left of him was the cheery sound of the bell echoing loudly in the deserted hallway.

* * *

Five minutes later, Eren stood there, completely flabbergasted as he gaped at his kidnapper, lost for what he should do. Should he laugh? Should he call someone to get medical attention to the guy who obviously needed it? Should he walk away in disgust? Should he be angry?

Blinking slowly a few times, he finally voiced his confusion out loud. “So you’re telling me that... _what_?”

“For god’s sake, Jaeger. Weren’t you _listening_?” the other boy snapped, visibly irritated.

“I was. I just don’t get it. You... like Armin? Why? _How_?” Eren questioned, his voice getting louder with each word.

The other threw his hands up in frustration. “I don’t know! That’s why we’re here, you idiot!”

“If this is a joke, it’s a really bad one, Jean,” Eren said flatly, crossing his arms on his chest. Jean only groaned in frustration and Eren sighed, relenting. “Fine, let’s say this isn’t a joke. Why are you saying this to me?” he asked with suspicion in both his eyes and voice. It was not like they _really_ hated each other but...

The taller boy sighed, explaining slowly through gritted teeth, “Because you’re the only one in a relationship here, so you can actually answer my questions.”

“Sasha and Connie are together, too, you know,” Eren pointed out, giving Jean a look.

“Right. Because those two are the first people you should talk to when you have a problem,” Jean shot back, voice full of sarcasm.

Jean had a point, Eren could give him that. “Alright. Look here, Horseface,” Eren said, glowering at Jean. “As much as I’m happy you’ve finally stopped bothering Mikasa lately, Armin _is_ my best friend. I really wouldn’t be that thrilled to see him with _you_ of all people.” And that was speaking kindly. Jean was pretty much the last person he would happily help set up with his family, no matter if it was Mikasa or Armin. He didn’t hate him. ( _Honest!_ ) But....... no. Just no.

Although... On second thought, if Armin got preoccupied with his own relationship, maybe he wouldn’t feel the need to monopolize Eren as much, and then Eren wouldn’t have to keep worrying about when he’s going to snap next and possibly threaten his life. He really had been kind of scared of him for a minute back there. No-one could understand the horror of a smile like that unless directly witnessing it. And Eren still shuddered every time he remembered.

While Eren weighed the pros and cons of the possible relationship, Jean watched him, fidgeting nervously. As much as Eren’s previous words sounded like a definite “No,” he could see Eren was now going through some sort of an internal battle, on result of which most likely depended Jean’s sanity. So he stayed silent and prayed for a positive (for him) result.

After what seemed like eternity to Jean, Eren finally groaned and rubbed his face in frustration, before he looked up to glare at Jean with fierce determination before opening his mouth. “Fine. Tell me what makes you so confused about this.”

If he weren’t talking to Eren, Jean would smile gratefully. But it _was_ Eren Jaeger, his eternal rival at everything and anything. He had to keep face. So he just sighed in relief, mumbled his thanks and proceeded to describe his “problem”.

Eren listened intently as Jean rattled on about how cute Armin was and how Armin’s laugh made Jean’s heart beat faster and how everything reminded Jean of Armin and the more he heard, the wider the smirk that adored his lips became. The smirk irritated Jean to no end, so much that he finally snapped, “What’s so funny Jaeger?”

Eren outright laughed in his face then, only replying once he calmed down considerably. “I just don’t know what you aren’t sure about,” he said with one last chuckle.

Jean glared at him for a minute as Eren continued to smile stupidly to himself before barking, “What the fuck do you mean?”

“Jean! Are you an idiot?” Eren questioned, exasperated. “Or, an even bigger idiot than I give you credit for? You’re in love!“

“How can you be so sure?” Jean asked, narrowing his eyes at Eren suspiciously.

“Because I’ve been in love before and I know what it’s like,” Eren explained, raising an eyebrow. “Isn’t that why you came to me in the first place?”

Eren watched as a blush spread over Jean’s face and Eren couldn’t help but blink at him in surprise. Who knew even _Jean_ could be cute when he wanted to be.

He took a minute to bask in the power he had over his best frenemy before he finally sighed, “Fine. I understand you honestly like him, so I can... approve of you to some extent. But I swear,” Eren paused, narrowing his eyes in warning. “If you ever hurt him, I’ll kill you even before Mikasa gets the chance to.”

“Ha! I’d like to see you try!” Jean just couldn’t help but rise up the challenge.

“Don’t worry, Horseface. I’m more than capable of torturing you to death if given the excuse to try!”

Jean opened his mouth to bark something back, but he suddenly deflated when he realized they were getting seriously off track here. So he took a deep breath to calm down, muttering more to himself than to Eren, “Wait, wait. You still need to help me ask him out so there’s no point to fight about what will happen if we ever break up.”

“At least one of you’s grown up a little. I’m so proud.”

The two arguing boys jumped in shock at the flat voice that came from behind them before its owner resolutely slammed the door shut behind himself.

* * *

“Could you kindly explain to me exactly what the hell we are doing now, Eren?”

“We’re spying on Jean and Armin.”

“And _why_ are we doing that?”

“Because it’s fun to watch Jean squirm like that.”

Levi sighed and leaned against the wall next to his lover, who was very discreetly peeking around the corner to watch the interaction taking place a bit away from the castle. It was amazing how childish Eren could be once he forgot about revenge and titans.

Levi could faintly hear a nervous squeak of “Hey Armin. What are you doing here?” and a cheery response of “Oh hey, Jean. I’m waiting for Eren. He’s kind of late; haven’t you seen him?” and he could only shake his head in disappointment and disbelief over Jean’s fumbling.

“What is he even freaking out about? If you ask me, I’d say besides Sasha, who’s kind of high maintenance anyway, Armin is the easiest one to seduce out of you brats,” he noted offhandedly, making Eren turn to look at him questioningly. (An act accompanied by a merry jingle which merited Eren’s chest a smirk from Levi and a scoff from Eren because how could you spy on someone if you had an alarm attached to you?)

Ignoring the bell issue for now, Eren asked with doubt clear in his voice, “You think so? Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Levi nodded seriously, continuing in a completely flat tone, “Like this. Hello, Armin. What are you reading? Oh, really? Sounds interesting. Can you tell me something about it? Wow, fascinating. Do you think I could borrow the book after you’re finished so we can discuss it later? Ta-dah. Mission accomplished.”

Eren’s sceptical frown only deepened at Levi’s ridiculous performance. “Was _that_ the great advice you gave him? I really don’t think Armin is quite _that_ simple.”

Just as he finished talking, a squeal carried over to where they were standing. “No way! Jean, you’re interested in this? Of course I’ll explain it to you! I’m so happy I have someone to talk about it with!”

Levi smirked as Eren turned back around to gape at Armin in disbelief from behind their corner. “I don’t believe it! He actually fell for it? How?” Then he frowned, continuing thoughtfully, “But I seriously doubt Jean will understand a word of what Armin’s going to tell him.”

“Talking from experience?”

Eren flushed a bright red, smacking Levi on the shoulder. “Shut up! Have you ever _seen_ the books he reads?”

Levi raised his hands in mock-surrender, a smirk still playing at his lips, and Eren scowled at him, clearly unamused.

Levi detached himself from the wall to look around the corner just as Eren had been doing. He could see the blond kid excitedly talking about something and horse-face nodding along once in a while, while desperately trying to look like he understood the stuff coming out of Armin’s mouth.

The Captain looked back at Eren. “Seems like your date is off,” he said offhandedly as he motioned towards the pair.

Eren huffed in annoyance. He didn’t like being forgotten about. Yes, it _was_ partially his own doing and he _did_ want Armin to find someone other than himself and Mikasa to talk to, but that really wasn’t the point, was it? How could he forget about _Eren_?

Levi watched with interest as Eren’s infamous (and irrational) anger started to take over the shifter’s thoughts. His brat was just too cute when he was fuming and muttering to himself about traitors and stupid horses stealing his friends. But after a few moments, Levi finally decided to speak up and redirect Eren’s thoughts. “So, how about a little different kind of date?”

Eren perked up instantly, peering at Levi curiously. “That depends. What exactly do you have in mind?” he asked softly, reaching out to grab Levi’s hand.

Levi supressed a smile as he squeezed the other’s long fingers. “I was thinking that we could go to the forest and-“

Eren interrupted him in a scandalized tone then, his eyes widening. “I’m _not_ having sex in the forest! I don’t even want to think how uncomfortable that would be! No!”

Levi stared at him for a good minute before he had to gulp down the urge to start laughing. His voice betrayed nothing when said, “Horny brat. Who said anything about sex? Do you realize how _dirty_ that is?” He paused to make a disgusted face. “I meant we could go train with some titan dummies or something. I could teach you that manoeuvre you said you wanted to learn.”

It was ridiculous, really, how fast Eren’s eyes went from suspicious to over-excited. “Really? We can? But today’s a day off?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “As if you need or want one, you hyperactive shit. But if you don’t want to go, we don’t have to.” He shrugged, suggesting he didn’t really care either way. (He did.)

“No! NO! I want to go! Please, please, _please_ let us go!”

Levi could almost see the tail wagging and he had to smile a tiny bit at the display. “Then move your ass and go get your things. Be at the stables within five minutes.”

“Yes sir!” Eren exclaimed with a wide grin as he saluted enthusiastically, before he turned around to run fetch his gear.

Levi watched him go until Eren spun back around after a few steps, jumping on very much confused Levi. “Thanks! I love you!” he cried before quickly attaching his lips to his superior’s in a quick, chaste kiss. A moment later he was gone, leaving Levi frozen in place staring after his happily skipping form, wondering what the hell just happened.

When he realized that a smile appeared on his lips without his permission, he scowled. “Stupid brat.”

* * *

“Did you hear that? Didn’t it sound like Eren?” Armin questioned, interrupting his gushing about something too complicated for Jean to understand to blink up in the direction of the castle.

“Huh? W-What?” Jean let out weakly, taken off guard by the change of pace.

The blond looked at Jean suspiciously. “Jean, are you even listening?”

“Y-Yeah! Of course I’m listening! It’s really interesting; please continue!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't live in the US so I can't make an FBI agent joke, but if my own government is watching my internet activity, they probably think I'm in love now. So I just want to tell them that no, I was looking up symptoms of lovesickness for fic purposes, thank you.


	9. The Eighth Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure this makes sense in some places and mayyybe I should read it over one more time... oh well...
> 
> *Disclaimer* The humor/parody tag is there for a reason. It's borderline crack (I think?) so this fic is _not_ to be taken seriously so please, don't think too hard about it. Thank you. You may proceed.
> 
> (Sorry, there was and is some drama regarding this chapter and I'm salty.)

“Erwin, I’m back.”

The great Commander Erwin Smith looked up from whatever his great mind was scheming on the papers spread all over his table at the sound of the door to the sacred grounds of his office being thrown open without any consideration of the fact that it was most probably closed for a reason. There were only two people who dared to do stuff like this and Hanji left his door wide open after taking off to her laboratory some twenty minutes prior. That had to mean Levi was back from his trip to town to buy whatever he so desperately needed (probably just some cleaning supplies).

The voice that followed only confirmed his fears and made him sigh deeply. This would not be a pleasant conversation.

“Hello, Levi. It took you a while. Did you at least get everything you wanted when you spent the whole day on it?” Erwin asked pleasantly, making a light jab at the length of Levi’s trip. If he let Levi know he had hoped it would take him an hour or two more, it would raise questions.

“I had to choose carefully,” Levi explained, voice as indifferent as ever. Erwin was puzzled by the lazy smirk that appeared on his face, however. Just what did he go shopping for? “With some things you just have to take your time. But I think I got it perfect.” Levi waved a dismissive hand before he turned around to leave. “Well, I only came to let you know. I’ll leave you with your shit.”

“Levi,” Erwin called after him, intending to tell him his secret before Levi found out for himself, but stopped himself when Levi looked back at him.

“What?” the Captain asked impatiently when Erwin didn’t continue.

However amazing of a strategist and rhetor the great Commander was, he didn’t know how to gently tell Levi what happened while he was gone. One wrong word and it would end in a bloodbath and the capital getting a wind of this... situation, making big trouble for everyone involved.

The two man stared at each other, one expecting, the other making calculations in his head before reaching a decision. If he didn’t say anything, maybe Levi wouldn’t find out until it was too late to do anything about it.

So Erwin only shook his head. “No... It’s nothing.”

Levi raised his eyebrows at that but throughout the years he’d learned not to question Erwin. “I’m going then.”

“Sure.”

“Oh, by the way, do you know where the shitty brat is? I need to see him.”

Erwin closed his eyes. To think he was so close to escaping this talk... It was already dark, so maybe only a few minutes more and he – _they_ would have been fine...

“Erwin?” There was suspicion in his voice. The Commander didn’t need to look to know Levi was glaring at him with his eyes narrowed dangerously.

Finally, after a long pause, Erwin opened him mouth. “Eren isn’t here.”

“ _He what?_ ” Levi growled menacingly.

“He, uh, got dragged off...? Or maybe kidnapped? It happened some two hours after you left,” Erwin tried to explain carefully, eyeing Levi for any signs of him going off on a murder spree. He wasn’t reaching for his blades, probably only because he didn’t have them on him, but there was a fire of fury in Levi’s eyes. Maybe he should have been more specific...

“Care to explain to me just _why_ is nobody doing anything about the fact that the one kid that can’t be left unsupervised is left to be kidnapped?” The calmness in his voice in contrast to the look in his eyes was terrifying, Erwin thought absentmindedly.

“It was not like I could do anything about it. But I sent Mike and Mikasa with him in case something happened. They are the best alternative to you,” he added quickly, trying to soften the blow.

Levi clicked his tongue, crossing his arms on his chest. “I’m not following. Stop spouting shit and just tell me what happened.”

Erwin leaned back in his chair, thinking briefly about how to approach the issue as the situation was risky enough without a pissed off Levi thrown into the mix. “Okay, well... As I said, after you left, Commander Dot Pixis arrived. Personally. He wanted us to let him borrow Eren for the day.”

 “What the fuck? What did he want him for and what the fuck were you thinking just agreeing to it?” Levi frowned as he listened to Erwin’s shortened version of the happenings.

“He’s trying to make Trost into a functional city again as soon as possible,” Erwin sighed as he folded his hands in front of him. “Apparently, there were still pieces of the wall that were too big to move with his people alone. So he came to the conclusion that the easiest solution would be to get Eren to do the job. I complied because I need to stay on Pixis’ good side. You know that.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, closely watching Erwin’s expression. “Just what are you planning, really?”

Erwin just smiled and shook his head. “It’s all too soon to tell you anything right now. You know _that_ too, Levi.”

“Whatever,” Levi muttered with a roll of his eyes before he returned to the issue at hand. “What are you going to do if something happens? Or if the Military police finds out about this shit? And that I wasn’t even there when I’m supposed to watch him 24/7?”

“You went to town and left him here,” Erwin pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

Levi scowled at his friend, biting out, “That’s not the fucking point.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Erwin noted offhandedly, continuing quickly when Levi opened his mouth to retort. “But to answer your question, we’re just going to hope nothing does happen.”

“I don’t like this at all,” Levi sighed as he threw himself (gracefully) into the chair on the other side of Erwin’s desk, crossing his legs and throwing his arm over the backrest. “Of course something will fucking happen.”

“Oh? I thought you had more faith in Eren,” Erwin questioned, raising an eyebrow at him.

“This isn’t about Eren,” the other said sharply, looking thoroughly irritated. “For fuck’s sake, it’s Dot fucking Pixis, Erwin. Don’t you try to tell me you haven’t seen the kid when he gets drunk.”

Erwin laughed out loud at that. “Well, to be completely honest, Eren being drunk is hardly a problem for us. Or the Garrison for that matter.” Erwin felt a smirk tug on his lips as Levi clicked his tongue again, his scowl deepening. “The only people a drunk Eren causes problems for are himself and people suffering from second-hand embarrassment, which is not a problem the garrison people would have. And lastly, you.”

“Yes. Because I’ll be the one forced to deal with all of his bullshit. Again.”

Erwin smiled knowingly. “You don’t mind all that much so stop acting like you do. You’re not fooling anyone anyway.”

“Shut the fuck up, Erwin.”

Erwin raised his hands in mock-surrender but the sly, knowing smile stayed where it was.

Levi just glared at him harder, not really having anything to say in his defence.

With perfect timing, there was a knock on the door only a second later and Erwin immediately gave permission to enter. The door opened to reveal Mike, who didn’t lose any time in addressing the Commander.

“We’re back. Nothing... of significance happened,” he announced as his eyes flickered towards Levi and the corner of his mouth twitched.

Levi already feared the worst.

“Good. I don’t need any reports on this so if that’s all, you’re both dismissed.” Erwin said, although he threw his ‘you better stay right where you are’ look at Mike who only sniffed in response, not moving a muscle otherwise.

Levi on the other hand immediately shot up and took off.

“They’re still in the stables!” Mike called after Levi before the door slammed shut behind him. Then he made a bee-line for the chair the Captain vacated a second ago. He just had to share the new priceless pieces of information he had obtained while on this mission with his, dare he say, best friend.

(He had to share with _someone_ and even Levi had to admit Erwin was a better choice than Hanji. See how considerate he was?)

(Not like he had a choice in this matter if Erwin had anything to say about it either way.)

* * *

Levi arrived to the stables some minutes later and what he found there was both better and worse than could be. There was Eren, laughing like a maniac, throwing hay everywhere. (Levi made a mental note to make sure the brat would clean that up as soon as he’s thinking straight again.) And then there was Mikasa, looking somewhere between exasperated, sick, and murderous.

“Definitely murderous,” mumbled Levi to himself when their eyes met.

He was convinced she was going to punch him right then and there but contrary to all the signs, she only strode quickly towards Eren, grabbed him by the collar, and dragged him over to Levi, speaking up in a deceivingly nonchalant tone.

“I’m not dealing with this any longer. He’s all yours.” With that she dropped Eren on him before she continued in a low, menacing growl. “ _For now._ The two of us are definitely having a talk in the morning.”

Levi groaned inwardly and wondered just what shit was the brat spouting in his inebriated state this time. “Fine. Just don’t believe everything he’s told you. It was definitely heavily exaggerated,” he told her seriously, gesturing vaguely at Eren where he was hanging over one of Levi’s arms, still chuckling. Just how much damage had been done on him?

Eren suddenly fell silent, cocking his head to the side, apparently deep in thought. Levi would think he looked cute if he weren’t so done with him already. Then Eren opened his mouth. “Levi? I hear Levi. I must be hallucinating. He’s left me after all...” He sniffed lightly at the end.

Levi rolled his eyes before giving Mikasa a see-what-I-told-you look. “I’m right here, brat,” he sighed, defeat in his voice.

Eren raised his (considerably teary) eyes to look at his beloved superior. For a long moment he only stared at him blankly but then he suddenly burst into tears and threw himself around a very, very annoyed Levi’s neck, sobbing uncontrollably. “Levi! I missed you so much! Why’d you leave me like that?! What have I done wrong? Please, I beg of you, don’t _ever_ leave me again!”

Levi was ready to just kill the stupid brat and spare himself the torture but he didn’t have any sharp objects on him, so that option was out. Which meant he could only suffer through this silently until Eren either calmed down, sobered up, or passed out. Whichever came first.

Deciding he’d rather have no witnesses, he picked the still wailing Eren up, heading back to the castle with him.

Faintly, he could hear Mikasa yelling at him from where he had left her, “We’re still having that talk tomorrow!”

He groaned, not looking forward to that particular conversation. If he at least knew what it would be about exactly, he could work on his plan of defence or something. And he would probably need one since even though Eren exaggerated (incredibly so) when he was drunk, he never lied.

He knew that and Mikasa likely did, too. And she was obviously out for blood. But he’d have to worry about her later. Now he had a drunk brat making a scene out of nothing to take care of.

Joy.

At least he could safely say that his suffering would be worth it when Eren wakes up in the morning.

* * *

Levi was just finishing dressing up the next morning when he heard a quiet groan coming from his bed.

“You awake, brat? Good, you have some stables to clean as soon as you get up,” he said offhandedly as he tied his cravat.

“Levi...?” Eren rasped, not even bothering to look up. “I don’t... I don’t think I can. I feel sick. My head is killing me... God, I feel really sick.”

Levi shot a look over his shoulder and was graced with the sight of Eren shoving his face under the pillow. “Don’t you dare throw up on my bed. There’s some water on the bed-side table.”

Eren groaned again in response, not moving an inch for a bit but then his hand went to reach blindly for said water. After he drained the whole cup in one go, he mumbled a thank you to Levi and promptly fell right back into the warm and not moving (as opposed to the rest of the room) bed.

Levi suppressed a smile at the sight, instead taking care to sound every bit the Captain he was when he urged, “Come on, brat. Get up. Having a hangover doesn’t excuse you from your duties.”

“I’m trying, okay?” Eren mumbled into his pillow without moving a muscle.

“Certainly doesn’t seem like it,” Levi noted with a raised eyebrow.

“Okay, okay. Just _please_ stop talking so loudly...” Eren whimpered pathetically before he slowly started disentangling himself from the sheets, the bed creaking with the movement, making Eren wince. However, as soon as he went to get up, all sounds were drowned in a loud clang followed by a yelp.

Levi smirked as he looked back at Eren. “Oops. Forgot about that.” It didn’t sound like he did. “Like your gift, Eren?”

“Wh-wh... What the fuck is this?!” Eren whisper-screamed as he tugged violently at the leash tied to the bed on one end and attached to a collar comfortably sitting around his neck on the other.

Levi watched impassively as Eren struggled with his restraints, commenting in a lazy drawl, “Why are you so surprised? I told you the bell was only a temporary measure.”

“Are you being serious right now?” Eren sked, gaping at his so-called lover.

“Absolutely. You’re not allowed to take the collar off unless you’re taking a shower. And the leash isn’t leaving my hand unless we’re going on an expedition since that would be impractical.”

“What the fuck, Levi?! I never agreed to this! And Mikasa won’t agree either and I know you’d rather not physically fight with her! Ah, shit...” Eren ended his tirade in a pained moan as he clutched his head in a desperate attempt to keep it from breaking apart. He really needed to stop shouting...

Levi’s smirk only widened when his next words left his mouth. “Sorry to break it to you, but it was originally Mikasa’s idea.”

Eren squinted up at him in what appeared to be a pitiful attempt to form a glare as he found himself unable to produce a single sound at the news of his own sister’s betrayal.

Levi took in the sight of Eren sitting there, complete with bed-hair, messed up clothes, a broken expression on his pretty face, wearing a collar... He had to admit he liked what he was seeing. He liked what he was seeing very much.

“You know, you look really sexy like this. I must say, I chose well. It suits you perfectly. It was definitely worth it, spending all day looking for a nice one,” Levi said in a gentle voice as he affectionately stroked Eren’s cheek.

The boy involuntarily blushed but he still huffed angrily, scowling at his lover. “Is looking good in a collar supposed to make me feel happy?” He paused as the implication of Levi’s words sunk in. “Wait, you mean you went to the town _just_ because you wanted to buy me a damn _collar_?”

“Yes. But I also restocked on cleaning supplies while I was at it,” Levi replied as he moved his hand up from Eren cheek to brush back his hair. Eren didn’t even realize he leaned up to the touch while he rolled his eyes over Levi’s cleaning obsession.

“Of course you did. You didn’t even need any, did you? They just _called out_ to you,” he said in a mocking tone.

Levi smacked him lightly on the shoulder. (He wanted to kick him in the stomach for that cheek but decided against it at the last moment. The kid _was_ having a nasty hangover. In his room. _On his bed._ ) “So what if they did?” he huffed, trying hard to sound irritated.

Eren pouted as he rubbed at the sore spot and Levi shot him a glare for good measure. Was it his fault he felt better when he was _absolutely_ sure there always was something to clean with if needed? No. No, it was not. In fact, _everyone_ should be feeling that way.

Eren just rolled his eyes again as he reached up to get rid of the humiliating piece of leather still adoring his neck. But before he could even touch it, both his hands were slapped away and Levi was looking down at him with that reprimanding look of his.

Eren stared up at him in disbelief. “You’re really, _really_ going to make me go through with this?”

“Yes. And don’t give me that look,” Levi said, crossing his arms, looking down at Eren sternly. “You shouldn’t have gotten yourself lost so many times. I’m just trying to protect you. God knows what could happen next time. And besides,” Levi paused, showing off an evil smirk as he continued. “Yesterday you begged me so passionately not to leave you again. I’m just fulfilling your wish.”

Eren paled for a second before a furious blush slowly spread across his face and he slumped back onto the bed, effectively hiding his burning face in Levi’s pillow again. “Don’t tell me any more. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Oh, don’t worry, you _will_ hear more whether you like it or not. Mikasa’s ‘having a talk with us’,” Levi said, making air quotes with his fingers even though Eren couldn’t see him. “Or with me, but that means you, too, now,” he elaborated, tugging lightly on the leash to prove his point.

“Oh god... Just kill me now...” Eren begged, sounding very much in despair.

“No can do. You have to clean up the shit you made in the stables first. And save humanity,” he added as an afterthought.

“Fuck humanity. Fuck the stables. I feel too sick to move. God knows what I told Mikasa yesterday. I have a damn collar around my neck. What the hell happened to me over night?” Eren whined with his face still buried deep in the pillow.

“Alcohol,” Levi told him easily, sounding amused, before his tone turned serious. “But you _will_ clean the stables or I will _make_ you.”

“Don’t you care about humanity?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Don’t you care about _me?_ Don’t you love me anymore?” Eren cracked open one eye, peering up at him accusingly, a pout on his lips.

Levi rolled his eyes at Eren’s dramatics. “This and that are two completely unrelated things.”

Eren huffed, stuffing his head back into the pillow, mumbling, “You’re too mean. I hate you.”

Levi couldn’t help but smile at the childishness. He leaned down and gave Eren an affectionate kiss on his temple. “Love you, too. Now get moving. First breakfast, then cleaning. Training in the afternoon.”

“......I’m definitely gonna throw up.”

“Then you’re cleaning that, too. Just don’t do it anywhere near here. I’m hungry, Eren. Shower. Now,” Levi directed, taking off the collar.

“Ugh...” Eren groaned in frustration and pain as he forced his heavy body up to a sitting position. Where it stayed. It was progress, at least, right?

Levi didn’t think it being enough of a progress, however. He ruffled his (already messy enough) hair and started petting it again before looking into Eren’s glassy eyes, and he added mercilessly. “Come on, brat. That was an order.”

Eren groaned, glaring at Levi half-heartedly, and mumbled. “I really do hate you. That’s abuse of power.”

“If this is hate, I don’t think I want to know what love would mean to you,” replied the older man fondly as he watched Eren close his eyes and lean into his gentle scratching shamelessly.


	10. After the Eighth Kidnapping

It had been twenty minutes since breakfast had ended.

It had been twenty minutes since everyone but three people had left the mess hall.

It had been twenty minutes since Mikasa had sat down opposite of Levi.

It had been twenty minutes since an intense silence had descended on the table they were sitting at.

It had been twenty minutes and Eren couldn’t take it.

“Are you two just going to glare at each other forever? Can’t you just, I don’t know, forget it? Or at least let me not be a part of this?” he whined, not bothering to raise his head from where it was resting on top of the table. He was still feeling incredibly sick and these two weren’t helping.

Both Levi and Mikasa looked down at the brown halo his hair was creating on the table around his head, Mikasa’s face instantly scrunching up into a worried expression at the sight. She wanted to help her brother from his obvious suffering but she didn’t have the means to do so. He was hungover and there was nothing much she could do about it. Levi on the other hand looked at him impassively for a few seconds before he stood up, handing Eren’s leash to Mikasa before walking off in the direction of the kitchen.

Mikasa stared after him in confusion, holding the piece of leather attached to her brother’s neck awkwardly while Eren didn’t even notice his lover had left. He just winced at the high-pitched shriek that was immediately followed by Sasha running out of the kitchen and through the dining room at full speed.

The suffering boy only moved when a few minutes later something gently hit the table right next to his head. He carefully cracked open one eye to look at what it was only to be faced with a mug filled with something hot enough to form a steam. “What?” he questioned, sounding disoriented.

“Coffee,” Levi explained simply as he sat back down next to Eren. “It should help you a little. If nothing else, it will at least wake you up.”

With inhuman effort, Eren lifted his head and was immediately hit with the unmistakable aroma. Coffee indeed. For a second he couldn’t decide if the strong scent made him feel nauseous or like he could see the light at the end of the Hangover Tunnel again.

A second later, he opted for the latter and grabbed the mug by it’s body instead of the handle letting go a split second later, the cup burning hot and promising to scald his tongue if he dared to try drink from it. So he groaned as he dropped back on the table.

“Thanks...” he mumbled and hoped Levi heard him because he sure as hell wasn’t repeating it. Not now when they were irritating him to no end anyway.

Levi just hummed in acknowledgment and buried his hand in the fluffy mess of brown hair. (He’d never admit to it but Levi loved petting Eren’s hair.) (He’d never admit to it but Eren loved Levi petting his hair.) (Everyone was happy.)

“So...” began the half-dead, hungover young man after another good portion of silence. “Is anyone going to answer my question?”

“Just drink your coffee, brat. We’ll sort this out before you finish,” Levi mumbled in response softly, trying to be considerate of Eren’s headache.

“Can’t I just take my coffee and go to my room to die?“ Eren drawled out with misery in his voice, already knowing the answer.

And Levi delivered. “No,” was his definite judgement.

“Why not?” Eren’s tone was bordering between exasperation and defeat. He really didn’t understand why he had to be there. He just knew he’d eventually end up embarrassed beyond reason to add to the pain he was already subjected to.

“Because the leash would be pointless if we just let you wander off anywhere you wanted to by yourself,” the other stated matter-of-factly.

Eren let out a long groan. In his physical misery he actually forgot about that particular problem. “Can you please stop treating me like I’m some kind of mentally underdeveloped toddler that gets lost every chance he gets? I’m a big boy; I can take care of myself.” He wanted to be angry. He wanted to shout. But he severely lacked the energy he needed to get angry and shouting was _completely_ out of question.

“If we actually believed that, I wouldn’t have suggested it and he wouldn’t buy it for you,” Mikasa supplied not-so-helpfully and Eren suddenly felt the desire to throw something at her.

Instead, he moaned pitifully, “Go to hell, both of you.”

“Sorry, brat, but she’s right. For the past few weeks I feel like the Corps have been doing nothing but looking for you.”

“Oh, really?” Eren replied, voice dripping in sarcasm. “As far as I remember, at least half of those times had something to do with either of you, if not both.” He couldn’t help but bare his teeth viciously at no one in particular as he grabbed his coffee to finally take his very much needed first sip. (Forcing Levi to relocate his hand from Eren’s hair down to his waist in the process.)

Levi and Mikasa eyed each other for a second with identical impassive expressions on their faces, before replying in unison. “Your point?”

Eren stared at them blankly for a second, before he made a face, looking at Mikasa. “Are you sure you’re _my_ sister instead of his?”

Mikasa and Levi exchanged another look, this one full of disgust on both sides, as Mikasa responded levelly, “Technically, I’m not your sister either but I’m _definitely_ not related to this midget.”

“What she said,” Levi nodded and then noted in a seemingly indifferent tone. “By the way, you’ve just lost any right you might have had to complain about whatever shit the brat told you yesterday.”

Mikasa stared right back at him, mirroring the challenging expression in a way that made Eren voice his doubts about their claims. “Are you _absolutely_ sure? Because it really looks like you are. And it’s not like either of you knows much about your families, I’d say it’s possible.”

The both of them ignored his remark. Not that he expected otherwise. He was mostly used to them ignoring him when they were indulging themselves in their silent glare wars. And either way, his coffee was more important right now.

A moment later Mikasa spoke up again, finally getting closer to the point of the exchange, “Don’t tell me what I do and what I don’t have right for, _shorty_. It’s not like I’m going to listen to _you_ when it comes to Eren’s safety.”

Levi raised his eyebrows while Eren looked at her, confused. “I don’t remember ever threatening Eren’s safety. I even bought him this,” he gestured to the leash still resting idly in her hand, mostly forgotten, “to ensure it. What the hell did he tell you?”

Mikasa huffed, speaking through gritted teeth, “Beside other things I’d rather not think about, much less talk about, he said he once had bruises for two weeks after one night with you.”

There was a moment of silence when the lovers looked at each other, both trying to figure out what this was about. Levi frowned as he looked back at Mikasa.

“What...” As soon as the word left his mouth, he trailed of, realization hitting him. Then his lips stretched in a wide smirk that had Eren convinced he wanted to laugh but couldn’t – as Levi categorically refused to let out such sounds in the presence of anyone who wasn’t Eren, and Eren only.

At Mikasa’s impatient glare, he commented, “He was exaggerating. It couldn’t have been longer than a day.”

Eren looked even more confused now while Mikasa looked enraged. “So you _did_ hurt him,” she hissed, looking one second away from stabbing Levi.

“Actually, he did it by himself,” Levi said, still sounding on the verge of laughter. “I just mentioned I’d like to see him like that one day and then he did it for me. I didn’t make him do anything.”

“That doesn’t excuse it! You let him hurt himself and that’s more than enough! What did you tell him to do that he needed to hurt himself, _for you_ , no less?!” Mikasa was so furious she almost didn’t hear the whisper that left Eren’s mouth right then.

“Oh, god no...” Eren’s eyes were impossibly wide, his face slowly losing colour, as he stared at his lover but Levi only gave him a highly amused look. “No, Levi, wait, don’t-“

“Sorry, Eren, but I have to or she won’t drop this, you know that,” Levi interrupted his pleading, before he looked back at Mikasa. “Tell me; have you ever tried to wear the gear straps without clothing underneath?”

Mikasa stared at him, completely speechless for a moment. When she turned sharply to give Eren a scandalized look, hoping for him to deny it, she was met with the sight of her precious little brother hiding his bright red face in his hands. You could almost see the steam raising from his head.

The girl stared at him for a minute with wide, accusing eyes, while dead silence fell over the mess hall. Then, in jerky movements, she abruptly dropped the leash and stood up, moved from behind the table before looking away and covering her eyes, muttering lowly to herself, “I didn’t need that image. I really, _really_ didn’t need that image.” After another few seconds of silence, she started leaving, announcing over her shoulder in a strained voice that she needed to go clear her head.

Levi was pretty sure she meant purify her mind but he didn’t bother correcting her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The uniform is asking for it, don't try to deny it.


	11. The Ninth Kidnapping

Armin looked around the clearing where the small group of Survey corps soldiers was resting on their way to Mitras for Eren’s annual trial-thingy. On the opposite side he could see Captain Levi talking about something (probably) important with Commander Erwin, he also could see Hanji walking around, looking for someone who’d be willing to listen to her ramble. Ymir and Connie were in the middle of an insult match (Ymir was winning hands down but Connie refused to admit defeat) while Krista fruitlessly tried to stop them and Sasha laughed at them (when she wasn’t busy complaining about how hungry she was). Jean was sitting next to Armin with an arm casually resting around his waist with Mikasa standing behind the two of them, leaning against a tree and glaring passive-aggressively at the offending appendage (Eren wasn’t the only one who had the honour of being subjected to her protective tendencies).

Everyone was present. Except...

“Isn’t Eren back yet? His second is getting kind of long...” Armin wondered out loud and immediately, he could hear Mikasa snap to attention behind him. He glanced back over his shoulder at her while she scanned the clearing with narrowed eyes and stiff stance, no longer leisurely leaning back.

“I’m sure he’ll come back any moment now. What could go wrong on a toilet break?” Jean tried casually in an effort to prevent panic. They weren’t outside the walls, after all; there wasn’t much to worry about as a fully equipped, fully trained soldier. Really, w _hat could go wrong?_

Just as the words left Jean’s mouth, an inhuman roar echoed around the forest from somewhere deep within and Jean had to resist the urge to bang his head against the nearest hard surface in favour of following Mikasa, Captain Levi, and Squad Leader Hanji, who immediately set off in the direction of Jaeger’s enraged cry.

His only thought as he manoeuvred between the trees was ‘Seriously, Jaeger? Seriously?’

* * *

**A kind of long second ago**

Eren had just finished his toilet break and was slowly making his way back to the clearing the Corps were currently resting at. He didn’t bother moving quietly or paying attention to his surroundings because... _what could go wrong?_

Well obviously, something could. Being a trained soldier doesn’t help you much when you don’t see or hear the attack coming and Eren didn’t hear the noise of people closing in on him from behind, thinking _he_ was making all the noise, going through the bushes without a care as he was, but suddenly, everything went black.

He woke up a little while later (yay for titan regeneration) in a cart that was just starting to move, stripped of his 3DMG with his wrists tied together behind his back, and surrounded by a bunch of ugly older guys. Obviously thieves.

They were arguing if they should just kill him or try to sell him (he _was_ young and kind of pretty; some sick, rich noble was bound to want him for themselves) when Eren sat up and called to them angrily, “Hey!” The men jumped, turning to look at the captive soldier with shock written all over their faces. “Release me and return my gear immediately and maybe I’ll let you go without handing you over to the police. Do you idiots seriously think you _can_ sell _or_ kill me?” Eren hissed viciously when he had their attention. No one was allowed to look down on him. No one. Bound wrists were not _nearly_ enough to hold him back.

The thieves stared at him with wide eyes for a second before they exchanged looks and Thug 1 smacked Thug 2 (“You went too easy on him! Now he’s awake and he’s gonna be a bitch about this!” “But I really hit him hard! I don’t get how he can be awake, yet!”), while Thug 3, apparently the leader of the group, laughed condescendingly in Eren’s face, ignoring his arguing companions.

“Oh? And what will you do about it, huh? Even if you are from the strongest and craziest branch of the military, you can’t do a single thing all tied up and alone, without this expensive thing here,” he said lightly, nudging Eren’s gear that laid at his feet for emphasis.

Eren glared at him and spat, “I can take you all on by myself even without my hands.” He paused, looking the men up and down before he continued, “But for your information, I’m not alone. There are other 10 people close by. _Captain Levi_ is here. _And_ Commander Erwin. You stand no chance.”

“Really?” The leader asked, nodding towards the front of the cart and at that, the cart started moving a bit faster. “Thanks for the info; we’d better hurry then. But I think we have time. How long will it take them to notice one little soldier’s missing?”

“Oh, don’t worry; not long,” Eren mumbled to himself, shuddering slightly. The image of Mikasa, Levi, _and_ Hanji knowing he said he’d be back in a second and realizing he’d been gone for more than five minutes was pretty terrifying even for him. (He was sure the Commander and Armin would notice, too. Hell, they’d probably be the first ones to realize, but they were both always so calm and collected in critical situations, so Eren wasn’t worried about either of their reactions.) A second later, he looked his captors dead in the eyes one after the other, snarling, “But I’m more than enough to take _you_ down.”

The thieves obviously didn’t hear the first part and laughed. “I see you agree with us. Well, the Corps have such a death rate, what’s one more?” Thug 3 said jovially before he squatted right in front of Eren, staring him in the eyes as if to challenge him.

Eren clenched his jaw and glared angrily right back at him. How dare they make light of all the sacrifices the Corps made every time they left on an expedition? He was quickly losing patience with them.

Thug 3 looked him up and down when he realized he had no chance of winning in the staring contest. “But hey, now that I look at you, you really could fetch us quite a price. Pretty face, fit body, interesting eyes, feisty. You look like you won’t break easily. Some pervert will have fun _making_ you break. Maybe you’ll even like it,” he laughed, finding his own words funny. “Usually people with too much fight in them enjoy being under someone the most.” He gave Eren a smirk that earned him another furious glare that made him look away from the sheer force behind the infamous maniacal eyes.

As his eyes fell down from Eren’s face, they caught a particular oddity in the young soldier’s attire. “Hey, what’s this?” Eren flinched and growled lowly when Thug 3 reached towards his neck, pulling down the green cloak a little to get a better look at the strip of leather sitting snuggly underneath.

“Oh my god, is that a _collar_? I don’t know if I should be happy or disgusted I was right about you liking the shit the old perverts do.” He made a face as he eyed the collar carefully.

Eren didn’t say anything in response, too focused on trying to suppress his rage, but they only taunted further. “So he’s already someone’s pet? Who do you think it is?” asked Thug 1 with amusement and curiosity in his voice.

“Maybe just one of the other kids who are just going to die. Does it really matter?” Thug 2 sighed, apparently not very keen on interacting with the soldier, and Eren had to, although reluctantly, agree with him. Did it really matter? What the hell did they care who he’s dating?

Thug 3, however, snorted, “Yes, it matters. Look at the look he’s giving us. It’s funny.”

“Won’t you tell us who your master is, little pet?” Thug 1 joined in, peering from around the leader’s shoulder to look at the collar as well.

“He’s pretty so maybe he’s caught the eye of someone high up.” Eren’s eye twitched. “Oooh, bulls eye, huh?” The two laughed loudly, prodding further.

“So, tell us, who is it? The blond, macho big boss of yours?” One guessed but the other shook his head, looking thoughtful.

“Nah, he seems more like the cute, tiny type.”

“So who? Maybe it’s Humanity’s strongest. I saw him once. He’s so short, he has to have a complex to compensate for. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was getting off on putting collars on kids who dared to be taller than him.”

Eren’s mind went blank at that. He had had enough. He went to punch the closest thug but when his hand got held back, he remembered he was kind of tied up. He tried to slip his hands out of the restraints without much success. He didn’t have much experience fighting just with his legs as he wasn’t Levi to do so most of the time. He paused to think about what would be the best course of action but suddenly, he felt another skin on his when Thug 3 went to tug at his collar to emphasize a point that Eren had completely missed in his mind-wiping fury, jolting him back to reality.

And that was the last straw for Eren. No one was allowed to touch his collar but Levi. As much as he hated to admit it, he loved the stupid piece of leather. It was the best proof of Levi’s love he could wish for. (As long as the damn leash wasn’t attached to it.) It was making a statement. Eren was _his and his only._ No fucking way could some stupid disgusting human trash get away with putting his filthy hands on it.

Eren felt deceivingly calm when he wondered why he was even holding back. He look each of them straight in the eyes one by one, smiling in that crazy, determined way of his before he bit hard into his lower lip until he could taste blood. They’d pay for all this.

His audience stared in shock, lost for what the hell he was trying to accomplish by biting his lip off.

Until they realized what it was they were seeing.

Then they screamed, terrified, and frozen in place and time.

Who could really blame them; they had never even seen a titan before, much less witnessed one materialize out of nowhere, this close to wall Sina no less. And to think they only wanted a 3DMG to sell and have money to feed their families with for the next month...

Eren would smirk with satisfaction seeing them almost froth at the mouth from the sight of his transformation were he physically capable of doing so in this form.

* * *

“ _What_ _the actual fuck, Eren_.”

“They pissed me off.”

Levi let go of a frustrated sigh, rubbing at his temples, as Eren stubbornly glared into the empty space to his left.

“That doesn’t give you the authorisation to shift within the fucking walls on your way to the fucking trial that’s supposed to judge if you are still trustworthy enough,” Levi lectured in a low growl. “And _stop fucking laughing,_ Hanji.”

At that, Hanji burst out in a new wave of laughter. “But it’s so funny!” she finally managed to get out when she caught her breath. “Of all people they could have kidnapped, they chose _Eren_!” she had to lean on the giant, slowly evaporating body for support as she got overwhelmed again. “How can you _not_ find it funny? Look, everyone finds it funny!” she said, gesturing widely around them.

Levi looked around at her words and was horrified to see she was right. Well, mostly. Besides Mikasa, who was seething, being held back from beheading the poor thieves, who were still in shock and each sporting their own set of light and/or semi-serious injuries (that were obviously not inflicted by any sort of titan), everyone was doing their best not to start laughing. (Safe for Ymir. She wasn’t trying.) Even Erwin was visibly suppressing amused chuckles over the situation.

Levi glared at them but unfortunately, it didn’t have the desired effect as they were all too amused to notice or care.

People were still chuckling occasionally, Levi was still angry, and Eren was still sulking by the time the Survey Corps arrived in Stohess and handed the thieves over to the Military police.


	12. After the Ninth Kidnapping

Luckily for everyone involved, Eren’s stunt wasn’t found out by anyone inappropriate and thanks to Commander Erwin's flawless rhetorical skills, everyone was back to the headquarters by afternoon the next day safe and sound.

So far. Eren wasn’t so sure he could say that he was safe, yet. He was standing stiffly in Levi’s room, close to the door while Levi himself was changing out of the clothes that smelled of sweat and horses.

“I hope you realize you’re on cleaning duty for the next month,” Levi started casually after what seemed like hours of heavy silence hanging over the room.

Eren looked away defiantly, not saying a word.

Levi rolled his eyes at the lack of response, glancing back at his lover. “Don’t tell me you’re still sulking.”

“You’re still angry, too,” Eren huffed, pouting.

“Yes, I am. I have the right to be. How the hell did you even get into that situation? You’re supposed to be better than a bunch of petty thieves,” Levi scolded, disappointment barely detectable in his voice. He was under the impression he had trained Eren to sufficiently defend himself. Until yesterday, that is.

Eren shrugged slumping in defeat as he mumbled, “They hit me from behind. I didn’t think I had to be too careful so I didn’t hear them.”

Levi crossed his arms on his chest, giving Eren a stern look. “Okay, that was stupid. You _know_ there are thieves everywhere, Eren.”

“I know; I’m sorry.”

Levi sighed, staring his brat down. Eren still refused to look at him. “We’ll talk about how careless you were later. More importantly,” he paused, narrowing his eyes at Eren before he continued, “Why the _fuck_ did you shift?”

Eren looked at his feet. He really, _really_ didn’t want to talk about this but finally, he muttered quickly, “I told you. They pissed me off.”

“How, Eren, _how_ ,” Levi prompted impatiently, clicking his tongue.

“They looked down on me.”

Levi gave him a stop-wasting-my-time look even though Eren was still studying his boots intently. “That wasn’t it. That would just make you beat them up, not shift.”

“They talked shit about the Corps.”

“Nope, you’d just shout at them for that.”

Eren sighed in defeat, “They talked shit about _you_. And...” he trailed off, turning beet red for some reason, making Levi raise an eyebrow, but the shifter quickly cleared his throat, trying to cover up for his mistake. “I just wanted to shut them up and make them pay for all the stuff they said. Mentally scarring them seemed reasonable to me,” Eren finished in a huff. He was still red but he also looked angry now, like he was remembering the ire he felt when the ordeal was happening.

Levi still didn’t say anything after a good minute and his lack of response was making the younger nervous. He felt like he needed to know in advance if Levi was preparing to chew him out for being stupid. Slowly raising his eyes, Eren was surprised to see Levi didn’t look angry at all. He wasn’t so sure _what_ the intense gaze meant though. “Levi?” he questioned uncertainly when Levi’s stare still didn’t let up after a while.

Levi, for his part, was speechless right then. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was feeling about this admission. Happy that Eren got this angry for him or annoyed that he was stupid enough to get this angry for him. His expression was carefully blank when he finally replied, “You’re an idiot. I’m used to people talking shit about me.”

“But you don’t deserve it! You’re amazing and you have done much more for humanity than any of those bastards combined!” There was a passionate fire in Eren’s eyes as he defended Levi against the non-existent offenders and Levi knew there was no point in arguing with him about this.

And so he just shook his head, refusing to acknowledge the warm feeling that took residence somewhere in his chest at Eren’s words and the emotion in his voice, instead moving on to the other important point of the brat's confession. “So what else did they say? You said they talked shit about me and. And what?”

The red on Eren’s face that went away in the meantime as embarrassment gave way to the infamous anger, came back full-force. “Umm... I’d rather not...” he stammered, being careful to avoid Levi’s eyes yet again.

Levi raised his brow, curiosity overpowering any pity he might have had for the furiously blushing shifter. “What did they say, Eren.” It was an order and Eren knew it.

Eren cringed and mumbled something incoherent to his shoes.

Levi clicked his tongue, taking a step closer to his lover. “Talk so I can understand you, brat.”

Eren was so red Levi started wondering if one could die of having too much blood accumulated in their head just as Eren opened his mouth to speak. “One of them touched the collar.”

 _Now_ Levi was speechless.

After a while, when he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, Eren turned around, reaching to open the door in an attempt to escape the heavy atmosphere. “Sorry, I’ll go... clean something-”

Before he could touch the handle, however, a hand wrapped around his wrist. Frozen in place by the sudden contact, he slowly turned back around, fearing what he would see when he did. But instead of a teasing smirk, what he saw was Levi with an unreadable expression on his face, his eyes serious and searching Eren’s for something.

“Levi?” Eren breathed out quietly, his eyes wide and unable break away from Levi’s.

Levi was silent for a moment longer before his grip on Eren’s hand tightened and something flashed on his face. “Did you mean it?”

Eren frowned in confusion. “Mean what?”

“That you shifted because one of them touched the collar.”

Eren flushed again but he didn’t look away when he answered clearly, “Well, yeah? I mean, it wasn’t just because of that but... Listen, I’m really sorry I shifted, Captain, but I just-“

He got interrupted when Levi roughly pulled him down to his level, kissing him hard. The boy jerked back in shock. “Wh-What?” Not like he was complaining but why so suddenly? Wasn’t Levi angry? What was going on?

The Captain didn’t let him protest any further. He opened his eyes long enough to shoot Eren an annoyed look and mumbled a quiet “Shut up, brat,” before he was kissing him again.

This time Eren didn’t pull away. Instead, he melted into Levi, throwing his hands around his shoulders to pull him closer and moaning lightly as Levi pushed him against the door, slipping a hand under Eren’s shirt and licking at his lower lip.

As Levi‘s tongue slid against his, Eren decided that he didn’t really care he didn’t always understand Levi’s actions. He’d just take whatever Levi gave him and do his damn best to give back just as much.


	13. The Tenth Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Everybody check out the first chapter again!! I'm still freaking out and everybody NEEDS to see it okay??_
> 
>  
> 
> *Ahem*  
> 

Commander Erwin walked into the mess hall one morning during breakfast, asking for attention. At his tired, defeated voice everyone fell deadly silent, dreading what was to come and preparing for the worst.

After a few seconds, when he was sure he had the attention of everyone present, Erwin took a deep breath, closed his eyes in mental agony and began his speech. “I really didn’t want it to come down to this. I really, really don’t want to ask this question.” Every single person in the hall bated their breath in anticipation. “Does _anyone_ have _any_ clue where Eren is?”

There was a loud, collective groan. Several people started banging their heads against the nearest hard surface while a few not-again’s came from others. Even Mikasa looked exasperated, quietly declaring she didn’t even care anymore (the way she nervously grabbed her scarf gave her away, though) and Erwin gave them all a sad smile, feeling their pain. It wasn’t even funny anymore.

In the midst of all of this, there was but one hand waving enthusiastically.

And to think Erwin almost gave up all hope... “Hanji, please tell me you know something,” he all but begged the grinning Squad Leader.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Her grin only widened as she loudly mock-whispered, as if she was sharing a big secret, “But Levi took the day off and he isn’t here either.”

Erwin blinked at her observation, looking around carefully. He didn’t see his friend anywhere which didn’t mean he didn’t just sleep in for once.

As if. Not even Erwin himself believed that thought.

The crazy scientist just might have been onto something.

* * *

Hanji was proven to be exactly right hours later, when Levi and Eren disrupted the ongoing afternoon training with their arrival. Everybody couldn’t help but stare at them in disbelief as they passed the sweaty, tired group of soldiers, both almost sparkling in their metaphorical happy little bubble of floating hearts. Some (Jean) gagged at the sight of Eren grinning, a lovestruck look on his face as he sat behind Levi on his horse, snuggled up to him way closer than was strictly necessary.

Nobody moved and nobody said anything as they watched them get off of Levi’s horse and lead it inside the stables. They still didn’t move when the two emerged back out with what looked like a picnic basket in tow, holding hands, and not paying any attention to anyone but each other as they slowly headed back to the castle. The soldiers they had left behind all did a double-take then, finally processing that that _was_ a small, fond smile on Captain Levi’s lips.

Captain Levi. _Smiling openly_.

It was the weirdest thing some of them saw in their whole life. Weirder than watching a titan materialize out of nowhere. Like finding a unicorn or a talking dog.

Only when the two lovebirds disappeared from sight completely, did someone speak up, “You’re all dismissed until dinner.”

All heads snapped to look at Commander Erwin at those words. His expression was unreadable but he didn’t take back his words. And who were they to question their commander’s orders? A loud cheer echoed around the training grounds, some thanking Erwin for his mercy, to which the Commander only gave a tight smile before he stalked off after Levi and Eren.

As the soldiers were gathering their things, there were several meaningful glances exchanged between a certain group – some of them were worried, some were curious, while others were excited. Hanji was the first one to act on the silent, collective decision, grinning in that signature way of hers before she turned around, jogging after Erwin.

Mikasa followed shortly after with a slightly worried frown on her face, pulling her scarf tighter around her neck as she set off in a quick pace. Armin was next, grabbing a weakly protesting Jean on the way. (“But I don’t care about what happens to them!” “Stop lying to yourself, Jean.”)

Krista looked questioningly at Ymir who only shrugged, throwing her arm around the smaller girl’s shoulders possessively, and they slowly made their way after their friends. Sasha announced she was hungry and was going to run by the kitchen before joining the rest, and instructed Connie to give a detailed report if she missed anything. The boy smirked and gave her a proper salute before quickly limping away. (Training did that to people sometimes.)

* * *

Erwin knocked sharply on the door to Levi’s room while being painfully aware of all the eyes and ears _discretely_ watching and listening from around the corner. He was doing his best to ignore them but Hanji with her dramatic commentary was making that particularly difficult. (“Nobody’s opening the door. Anything could be happening in there. They could be sleeping, eating, writing poetry, cleaning, cleaning each other, dirtying each other, doing satanic rituals. Will the big, bad guy try forcing his way through to solve the mystery and possibly get dismembered on the way, or will he be wise and wait for them to finish?”)

Erwin took a deep sigh, closing his eyes briefly to gather the strength he needed to deal with all of these people, before he knocked again. It took him several tries but eventually the door opened, revealing a dripping wet Levi, obviously just out of the shower.

“Ooh, now I’m kind of jealous of Eren,” a female voice that sounded like the speaker had her mouth full sighed. Probably Sasha, Erwin concluded.

Connie the Wounded Boyfriend followed the declaration with a scandalized, “Excuse me?”

“You have to admit Levi’s hot, though.”

‘Not you, too, Hanji,’ Erwin thought, pinching the bridge of his nose while Levi’s eyes flickered in the direction of the spying group with a raised eyebrow. He shook his head and looked back at his superior a moment later. “What do you want Erwin?”

“What do you think Levi?” Erwin asked in return pleasantly, belying his annoyance.

Levi folded his arms on his chest, leaning on the door frame as he frowned up at Erwin, sighing, “If this is about me taking Eren out-”

“You mean you dragging Eren off without telling anyone, much less getting permission, right?” Erwin corrected, interrupting Levi,  and although he still tried to sound casual, his irritation was now apparent in his voice.

“Whatever.”

A chorus of gasps echoed in the distance, but both men ignored the audience.

“Levi, this is a serious matter. You can’t just up and elope with him. What if something happened? What if someone attacked you two? What if the military police found out? This relationship in itself is breaking practically all military rules there are, plus some. I really should severely punish you both for all of this, but mostly you. Even without the stunt you pulled today.”

Erwin didn’t stop there. He went on and on for some, listing all of the reasons he was angry and every disciplinary action Levi and Eren should be facing. He looked more and more frustrated as he went on, while Levi only looked more and more uninterested. The audience was holding their breaths the whole time, waiting for one of them to snap.

When Erwin paused to take a deep breath so he could continue, Levi grabbed the opportunity to interrupt him, “So what are you going to do about it, _dad_? Ground me? You can’t very well ‘punish’ me properly or the military police would _definitely_ know. And we don’t want that, do we?”

Erwin gave him a cold glare, replying in a calm yet deadly tone, “Indeed. I won’t be taking any military disciplinary actions but I can and _will_ make you regret this.” Levi gave an unimpressed snort at that and Erwin narrowed his eyes at him. “I mean it, Levi.”

“Right.”

At that moment, the bathroom door inside the room opened and Eren came out, fully dressed, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. His brows furrowed in confusion at the scene before him, asking uncertainly, “Uhm, is something wrong?”

Erwin opened his mouth to chew Eren out as well but Levi was faster. “No, it’s nothing. Erwin was just leaving.”

The door was shut resolutely in Erwin’s face then and dead silence fell over the corridor. Both the kids and Hanji shrunk away in fear, trying to blend in with their surroundings when a very, very dark aura started emitting from the Commander.

“Hanji,” he said finally in a low, authoritative voice, sounding every bit the commander he was.

Hanji squeaked in surprise but jumped to attention immediately, “Yes sir!”

“You’re in charge. All of you here will go through the castle, top to bottom. You will search every room, every closet, every corner in this building. You will confiscate every and all cleaning tools you find – soaps, rags, mops, _everything_ – and put them inside the room next to my office. _Now_.”

* * *

Erwin could say he was satisfied when Levi came to him grovelling before the night even ended, swearing up and down to never _ever_ just up and kidnap Eren again, no matter how much Hanji keeps him away from him doing stupid experiments. If only he gets back his cleaning supplies.

Mike, who was standing guard at the door to Levi’s treasure and witnessed the event, had to fight back his laughter the whole time, especially at the sight of the face Levi made when Erwin gave Levi a definite refusal, obviously enjoying the power he had over Humanity’s Strongest in that moment.

Still, even as Levi stood in the kitchen that evening, staring with disgust at the dirty dishes they were unable to clean with no soap and no rags, he couldn’t bring himself to regret spending the day with Eren. Even if it meant he had to suffer looking at those dished for two more days.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it? ^^;; I plan on updating every day for the next 12 days until we reach the end (unless i forget or something...)


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